Signals
by MsDiana
Summary: Penelope moves on (she doesn't get far) from her crush on Luke when she thinks his dating life has progressed. Luke's mental health takes a turn and he finds himself regressing. Penelope is a great friend that ends up being there to comfort him and their actions eventually make them reveal their feelings to each other.
1. Chapter 1

This is a different approach to Penelope moving on from Luke that was less raw than Fog. This story discusses some mental health issues so if that's not for you then beware.

* * *

Luke was supposed to bring the girl he was dating to one of the BAU family get-togethers. Penelope didn't even realize he was still seeing the girl. She had met her at that first date, but, hell, when Luke had to leave like that, she sort of assumed that the woman would run for the hills. It might have been the first time he left her alone at a dinner table, but with this job it certainly wasn't going to be the last.

Their group outing was postponed when they got another case, and, for that, Penelope had been grateful. She was more upset about the turn in events than she had any right to be. She sort of assumed, eventually, when things were calm, she and Luke would just find their way to each other, but she had been dead wrong apparently. She had severely misread the signals.

So when Derek called, upset about his own life, she told him they would take a little time together to set each other straight. The reset. She needed to clear her mind, but that was hard to do when the object of her affections was smack dab in the middle of her everyday life. She knew that on the next night out she was going to have to see him with the woman. For that, she needed to get the hell away for a few days so she could maybe take the time to talk some sense into herself.

She asked Emily for the week off and apologized for it being short notice. When Emily didn't ask for a reason, Penelope knew that she was too obvious. It didn't matter. At least she wasn't utterly devastated; she was more confused. He never dated, but he chose now? And if now, then why not her? She thought she was the one he looked at. She shook it off and went to gather her things, but she decided to say bye to everyone before she left.

She walked into the conference room where they were all gathered together, which was convenient for her, "Hey everyone, I just wanted to say bye."

"Where are you going?" Luke asked, confused.

"I'm going on vacation with Derek. He was arguing with Savvie, and he went to his mom's. I don't know. Whatever. Derek's dramatic. It'll blow over. All I know is, I _was_ planning on seeing them both, but that's not happening now, so Derek and I are going to Vegas to get drunk. Hopefully neither of us sleeps with a stripper and comes back pregnant."

She elicited a laugh from the entire team. She was confused, a little sad, maybe slightly angry, but she wasn't so far gone that she wasn't herself.

"We got a case, but don't worry. I already asked Lynch to cover for you." Emily smiled at her.

"Oh great," Penelope rolled her eyes. "Make sure he doesn't mess up all of my stuff."

Kevin walked in wearing a nice button-up and a casual but classy blazer over the top. His nerdier glasses were replaced with a fashionable, dark navy, wooden pair that a hipster would wear, and his hair was cut in a close-cut, professional manner. Penelope rolled her eyes. He had taken his new role seriously, which was good, but annoying. He looked really nice, a lot slimmer in the tapered and cut ensemble. He was never chunky; he was just broad shouldered, but his ugly Hawaiian shirts did nothing for his figure, which he apparently figured out and corrected. He did look good, she admitted, until he spoke. "There is no rhyme or reason to your stuff." He set his laptop on the table.

"Good thing that isn't your problem then. Seriously, don't mess with my stuff." She put her hand on her hip.

"Whatever, Penelope. I won't touch your stuff. Why exactly do I need to drop everything I'm doing to be here? You seem perfectly healthy to me." He said, taking a seat.

"Vacation."

"Last minute vacation? Sure." He shook his head as he opened his laptop. "Look at me, head of the entire Tech Department, and I _still_ have to drop everything, so you can run to Derek." He said without looking at her as he was pulling up files on his computer.

"Yeah well, they offered it to me first." She crossed her arms.

"Well duh, you're better than me. Doesn't change the facts, kid." He let his mouth turn in acceptance.

Penelope rolled her eyes again. "Well, I don't want to hold up the case." She turned to the knowing faces in the room, except for Matt and Luke who were just figuring out what this exchange meant. "I'll see you all next week."

Kevin grabbed the remote, put his hand in his pocket, and presented the case. Afterwards, he set the remote down and handed Matt and Luke, his card. "That's my cell. Otherwise I can be reached in Pen's office. You know where to find me. I one hundred percent _will not_ be moving every single figurine exactly one inch to the left in the meantime." He smiled at JJ who giggled, as did everyone except Luke. They knew Kevin wasn't so bad, and they knew that him and Penelope actually talked it all out, but the two did enjoy giving each other a hard time anyway. What else were exes that weren't trying to be friends to do?

"Tara, you've still got my contacts from that consult we did?" She nodded with a smile and Kevin exited while they were still chuckling at his announcement.

But Luke was fairly unconcerned, maybe intrigued, but that didn't matter right now, "Why is Garcia taking vacation really? She didn't find out about Derek until today, and I know she was talking about it last week before we got called out on that double homicide." Luke asked as the group was still gathering their things.

Everyone exchanged glances before letting Emily answer, "She just has some personal issues to work through." Emily said with a tight smile.

"Yeah, her and Derek having stuff going on at the same time, they're killing two birds." JJ also gave a tight smile.

Luke glanced around as everyone gathered their files and tablets, exiting before he really came to a conclusion. He turned to Matt, who was the last one left. "Am I missing something?"

Matt shook his head, "Just let it go. I'm sure she'd come to you if she thought you could do anything." He said placatingly before leaving Luke to contemplate by himself.

….

They had been working the case for a couple days. Luke hit the button for Penelope's office, and, as he heard the line click on, he opened his mouth before thinking, "Gar-sorry, Lynch. Just habit."

"No, I understand. She is memorable." Kevin stated.

"Yeah, uh, I didn't realize - well being newer to the team - well my point is, I see that you knew her well." Luke glanced over to Matt who was driving. He was grateful that he was the only other agent in the car. He had been dying to ask Kevin about Penelope, but, if he called him out of the blue, it would be obvious, even to the man that didn't really read signals all that well. This was his opening, Simmons or not.

"Well, we dated for a few years, but she was never really in it. She cared more about Derek than she ever did about me. Don't get me wrong, I like Derek. He was even in my corner a lot of the time, but she was never mine. I know that was partially because of him," Kevin said nonchalantly.

"Oh uh, sorry. Didn't know." Luke said in the kindest voice he could muster, hoping it encouraged more sharing. Matt gave him a quick side-eye but said nothing.

"Yeah, how could you? It's been years. Looking back, I know how wrong it was, pushing her to get married. She didn't want to, but I just felt like it was one way to make her mine, even if only on paper." Luke could practically hear the man shrugging his shoulders. "I really don't have any grudges. We get along. Penny's too nice for all that drama. But seeing the same thing you used to argue about still happening, and the man doesn't even work there anymore. Well, it's annoying. Don't worry. I already sent her an apology gif." Kevin laughed.

"That's nice. It's hard to hate her."

"It is. However, I'm still moving the figurines. That's never not funny," he told him laughing. Luke saw Matt smiling. "Hey wait, sorry. I was talking about me and Penny. Did you need something?"

"Oh, I was just calling to see if you could send that map from earlier to my tablet but with the indicators Reid sent you."

"Sure thing. No problems, Boss." Kevin joked and then hung up.

Luke set Matt's phone down on the middle console. He'd had it on speaker, though he didn't know why. He got some interesting info out of Kevin, but nothing about why she was really gone.

He glanced over at Matt who was shaking his head, unamused. "Seriously," Luke asked, "what is it that I'm not understanding here, Matt? She's been so, I don't know what the right word is, but she's not been herself. I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't know what's happening, and it's driving me crazy. Is it a secret?"

"Look man. Normally, I'd be gung ho to get in the middle of this, but at this point it seems moot and also like a betrayal to her. So all I'll say is that I'm pretty sure you could figure it out if you really wanted to, but I don't think you do."

"What? That's ridiculous. I just said I need to know. She's my friend, and I feel helpless."

Matt shrugged "Yeah, buddy. She sort of does too."

….

"We always sit here and try to decide who is the prettiest, and tonight it's definitely that guy." Emily was explaining to Luke's date who finally made it out with them when they were finally free from cases.

"He's so pretty. Holy crap, he's like a model, but a muscular, non-broody model." JJ added.

"Where is Garcia? She needs to see this. She will know exactly how to put our thoughts about this into words." Tara said, causing all the men on the team to laugh at the three, well, four women.

As they were still ogling, they saw a very cheery-eyed Penelope walk up to the man and kiss him.

"Or she's already seen him." JJ said in disbelief.

"Well then." Rossi raised an eyebrow, nodding to Matt and Spencer as they saw Luke's eyes darken.

Penelope indicated the table and held the man's hand as they walked over to it.

"Everyone, this is Nicky."

"Wait, Nicky from high school?" JJ asked excitedly.

"The very one." Penelope assured her.

"High school sweethearts, sort of. She went goth; I went pro athlete." Nicky laughs, "Paths diverged."

"Anyway, he just moved here. He's a civil rights lawyer now. The firm that recruited him is based here."

"Well I didn't just move. I've been here for six months already, but this one kept blowing me off." He kissed her temple, "But sudden change of heart, I'm not complaining."

"Well not anymore." Penelope poked at his stomach.

"Wow, that's awesome. So we'll see more of you?" Emily asked.

"Sure yeah, if Gracie here let's me."

"Gracie?" Luke questioned.

"Mhmm, there was another Penelope at our school who was rotten and awful, so this one decided to go by her middle name in protest." Nicky explained.

"Whatever, didn't you date her?" Penelope asked.

"Slept with her once after prom."

"Right, that's what I meant." Penelope chuckled as she glanced at her coworkers. Everyone was laughing except Luke.

"I'm going to leave soon to check on my mom. You can have my seat." Spencer said to the couple still standing at the head of the table.

"Actually, we have to leave too. We were planning on staying, but he has a work function. He found out last minute that the Senator he needs to talk to will be there, so we've got to go. Sorry, I know I've been back for weeks and still haven't managed to go out with you guys. I'll make it up next time. Drinks on me. Also, there's a fancy shindig maybe you all can join us at. I'll text you all about it. See you at work." She waved goodbye, and Nicky nodded with a beaming smile. The two left, hand in hand.

"Well he's-" Emily started.

"Really hot." Luke looked over to his date in disbelief at the words that just came out of her mouth. She lifted her shoulders in slight apology.

JJ and Matt gave each other pointed looks as they sipped their mugs of beer.

At the end of the night, Luke was waiting outside with JJ. The others had departed, and, since he was waiting for his date to come back from the bathroom, he told them he would stay with her until Will arrived.

"JJ, you've heard about this Nicky guy before?" Luke asked her. A few more beers and whiskeys than he meant to have, made him less discreet while gathering intel.

JJ let out a small chuckle in disbelief before turning to him. "Yeah, just during girl talk, when we dish about people we've dated. She mentioned him getting in touch when he was moving here, but she wasn't interested."

"She seems interested to me. She seemed more than interested." Luke scoffed. "Did she suddenly run out of excuses?"

JJ shook her head. "Well in a sense, yes," Will pulled up to the curb. Luke stepped forward to open the passenger's side door for her, greeting Will briefly before watching them drive away.

"Shall I drive you home? I only had two, and you had more than that." He spun around when he heard the voice.

"Uh yeah, I guess so. Sorry about that. Wasn't in the plan. I was going to drive myself, but I guess it was a harder week than I thought." Luke smiled at the perfectly nice woman who had been so patient when it came to never really being able to plan ahead or keep said plans.

When she pulled up in front of his house, he leaned over to kiss her which she returned. Before the kiss escalated, she placed her hands on his chest to stop. "Look, I like you, but I'm a little apprehensive here. I think I'm just confused and, well, I think I just don't understand. Something is off with you. At first, I thought it was just the whole getting to know you phase, but I sort of feel like you're holding back. Am I just reading into things?" She squinted as she asked, completely unsure of what the answer would be.

Luke sat back in the seat. He _was_ holding back, but he didn't really know why. This woman was nice, successful, fun enough, but he was pretty apprehensive himself. "I just haven't done this dating thing all that much. I think it's going to take me some time to really get used to things. If you don't mind going slow, I hope I can sort of learn as I go."

She nodded, "Okay, I guess that's fair enough. Well, the going slow thing will be forced upon us anyway. I know your friends were mentioning something this weekend, but I have a medical conference, so, even if you're in town, I won't be. But they also were discussing that text Penelope sent after she left, about the dinner that they all might go to next weekend. I gave JJ my number because she said she'd text me the dress code if you wanted me to come."

Luke laughed. "Well, at least you know I'm understanding. I'll go to the dinner if they're all going. Good night, and I guess since we're going at a snail's pace, if we don't make it to that, I'll call in a few weeks to make plans." He watched her nod and then leaned in to give her a quick parting kiss.

….

He felt like shit the next morning. He wasn't as young as he used to be, and drinking a few whiskeys after his beers wasn't his best move at forty. Luke had decided that he needed a break from everything. His mind was racing, but somehow all the thoughts coming to him felt incoherent. He called Emily to ask if he could stay home for a few days, but only if they didn't have a case. If they got one, he'd come right in. She agreed. He spent the next three days eating take out he rarely ate and drinking alcohol he rarely consumed. He slept and watched movies. The only thing making him get up was Roxy. He still took his girl for her runs, but later in the day, and he had an even harder time keeping up with her.

On the fourth day, when Garcia called and told him there was a case, he wasn't sure if he was relieved or ready to fake his own death. He made an appointment with his therapist for the next week. He usually only saw her monthly. Deciding he shouldn't wait, if his PTSS or depression was taking another swing at him, he wanted someone to hold a mirror up and tell him.

When he got into the BAU, he glanced at all the people staring at him as he put down his backpack. "What?"

Reid, JJ, and Tara gave brief nods of their heads and headed for the conference room.

Matt was going to talk to Luke, but Rossi held up a hand and motioned for him to leave them alone. Prentiss was on the walkway, but, when she saw Rossi's actions, she gave him a nod.

"Son, come with me a second."

Luke followed in a daze, until he saw Penelope walk in, teetering in her heels that seemed higher today. "Look what the cat dragged in, or, hey, maybe the dog. Did Roxy do this to you?" She teased as she passed him.

Luke laughed, realizing he probably hadn't done that in the past few days, except passively at a few stupid comedies. Rossi tapped him on the back and lead the way to his office.

After shutting the door, he motioned for Luke to sit. "Are you okay, son? Something is wrong, and I think you need to talk to one of us about it. We're here for you. If you need one of us to do something, ask. We don't just say we're family because Penelope makes us. We believe it too." Rossi leaned back on his desk, waiting for Luke to speak.

He nodded. "Yeah something is wrong, but I don't really know what. I made an appointment with my therapist for next week. We should be back from the case by then."

Rossi blinked and tipped his head. "Alright, do you think you can go into the field? We all need to know you're at your best out there, and, right now, your shirt is wrinkled, your beard is unruly, and your shoes are untied." Luke glanced down at himself. "I think it's better if you still work, because staying at home and stewing isn't the best idea, but you need to stay here for this case. Your clothes in your go-bag are fresh, I'm assuming, so go to the gym downstairs, and workout for a half an hour. Then take a shower, put on clean clothes, and have Garcia fill you in while we're on the jet, okay?" Rossi grasped the younger man's shoulder, giving him a parting look before leaving him be.

* * *

Thanks for the support on everything. I'm behind on a lot of updating, I know. I am working on it. I took time out to write a couple one-shots. Meeting was just too good to pass up! Thank you for the reviews, fav, and follows, they do help with the motivation. Let's hope I don't lose power again, with the next storm coming along!

Thanks Bookdragon2013 for reading this through for me.


	2. Chapter 2

Luke felt better coming into the office. He wasn't sure if the days off had helped or hindered him. Something told him that, if he'd been at work, he'd have been just as messed up lately. But Garcia didn't let him wallow. She always had something she needed done, and he realized just how much was on her shoulders when she was here alone. She was aware of the weirdness going on. She didn't coddle him, but she made it clear she was a sympathetic ear if he wanted.

He was glad he wasn't in the field. They were all the way in Washington state, and it was cold and gross. He didn't want anything to do with that, especially when he needed as much sun as possible to give him any energy at all.

It was four days in and the team had to call it an early night because of a snow storm. They couldn't examine crime scenes or hunt down witnesses until the worst of it blew over the next day.

Luke was laughing at Penelope's rambling as they rode the elevator down to the parking garage. "Hey, want to go watch a movie? I'd suggest the bar, but last time drinking made me feel awful." He posed the question to her right before the elevator doors opened.

"Aww I'd love to, but I'm going with Nicky to a benefit dinner tonight. It's for the same charity as the one over the weekend that I told all of you to come to. Since his firm bought three tables, there's room for all of us to have a fancy five course meal. Hope everyone is back so we can all dress up fancy together." She shimmied at the thought, making him laugh despite feeling decidedly disappointed.

When the elevator opened, he saw Nicky waiting for her in a car. "Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow I guess. Uh, have fun." He waved dismally to Nicky who was talking on a phone as he waited for Penelope.

Penelope noticed and took a step to follow him, grabbing his sleeve, "Hey, if something is wrong or if - look, you've been a little better the last couple days, and I know it can be up and down. I understand, but, if you need something, I want you to let me know."

She was so sincere, he found it hard to lie to her. "I think I'll just hang out with Roxie. I'll be fine alone." He nodded and gave her a half-hearted smile before leaving her in her spot.

"Ready to go honey?" Nicky asked as he opened the door for her. She hadn't even heard him get out of the car. She smiled and got in, sighing and hoping Luke knew she wouldn't mind if he called her.

….

It was hours later, around eleven. Luke had already taken some of the meds he was given. They were only for emergencies, to be taken as needed. He only kept the prescription up to date because his doctor insisted, and so did the FBI. Mental illness didn't disqualify you from being an agent, but you had to be monitored. Even with being cleared, he was given routine mental health examinations. All of which he had been happy to take because he worked so hard to put so much behind him. But for the first time in years, he took a couple pills to help calm his racing thoughts that were also somehow making him feel like he was trying to jog through quicksand.

It'd been a couple hours since he'd given in and taken them, but it only made him feel a little numb. It didn't make him calm or forget or anything remotely helpful. He knew Roxie was worried because she left her head in his lap or paced in front of him. "Okay, Rox. What do I do? If I call in for professional help at this time, it will be considered an emergency, and I will have to answer for it. If I call the team, I'll worry them, and they'll have to be caught between reporting it too." He sighed. "I can call her. She's only across town. It would be less worrisome. Or I could call - I mean, she's a doctor, but I also don't know her or trust her. I've got to call Penelope, don't I?" Roxie tipped her head.

Luke pulled out his phone and texted her. Calling her seemed to be too intrusive if she was still at dinner.

Penelope saw the text and excused herself from the intriguing and intelligent debates happening at their table. She heard the phone ring three times before he answered, "Where are you?" She asked before he even said a word.

"My house."

"Okay, do you want me to come over there, or do you want to meet me at mine?" She asked authoritatively.

He sighed. "Penelope if you're busy-"

"Answer the question, Luke."

"I guess I can meet you at yours." He didn't want to make her do more than she had to, and he also didn't really want to be in his bland house anymore.

"Okay, I'll be there in twenty minutes, and you will be too." She waited for his affirmative answer before signalling to Nicky to come meet her by the coat check.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm sorry, Honey. I've gotta go. It's an emergency."

"I'm sorry. Please be careful though. In fact, I can drive you back to work if-"

She leaned in to kiss him. "You're too good for words, but, no, it's okay. I'm in no danger, and I just need to head out. I already had the valet call for a taxi."

"Someone on the team in trouble?" She nodded. "I'm sorry. I know you can't talk about it, but still, if you need something."

She leaned in to kiss him again. "Don't worry about me. There's been way worse trouble than this." She gave him a long hug and let him kiss her temple before darting out of the building and into a cab.

When she arrived at her building, she quickly jumped out of the taxi, only to see another taxi pull behind her. She watched as Luke got out of the car with Roxie in tow.

He came to stand near her with his duffel bag slung over his shoulder. "Did you bring enough for tonight?" He nodded. She gave him a hug, and then led the way to her apartment, locking the door behind him.

"I'm sorry I ruined your evening." He gestured to her evening gown that she must've changed into at some point between the office and dinner.

"It was almost over anyway, and we might get to do it all over again this weekend." She shrugged and grabbed the plastic tupperware from his hands putting it in her fridge. She knew about Roxie's special diet. Even when he wasn't taking care of himself, he took care of her. Roxie had followed them quietly and hadn't excitedly greeted Penelope, so she knew that the dog felt as helpless as she was starting to feel. "C'mon, let's put on comfy clothes and talk."

He followed her to her bathroom. She pointed at a hook and shelf where he could put his stuff. She brushed her teeth and then grabbed a makeup wipe, leaving him alone to change.

When he came out of the bathroom, he heard her moving around in what he assumed was her bedroom. He followed the sound and saw her putting a new comforter on and then changing the pillow cases. He was grateful. He didn't want to smell her boyfriend's cologne. He thought for a moment that he was being presumptuous, but he knew she'd insist on him staying the night, otherwise she'd follow him back to his house, but she had a couch.

"C'mon, Honey." She motioned for him to get on the bed as she plopped herself down as well.

He was going to protest, but he didn't have the energy, and also he knew he needed the support. He sat down and then swung his legs over, sitting back against the pillows. He felt exhausted from the small physical exertion.

"Have you eaten?" She watched as he shook his head. "Do you want to eat?"

He shrugged, "I probably should've before I took my pills, but I didn't, and now I just feel nauseous."

She got back up and was gone for a few minutes, coming back in with a bowl of soup, crackers, and ginger ale. "Here, we'll treat you like you're pregnant." She laughed and sat down on his side of the bed, next to him, setting the stuff on the nightstand. Then she disappeared momentarily, coming back in carrying his pills. He smirked. She had no boundaries; she would go through his whole house if she could. "You don't take these regularly, I assume. Do you need to take anymore, or how many have you had?"

"I think that's why I feel sick. I don't take them, and then I took too many. That's why I didn't want to drive myself."

"Okay, so how many did you have before?"

"It was a full prescription."

She narrowed her eyes at him and then dumped the small tablets into her hand, counting them. There were only twenty four. "You took six? Just today? That's double the maximum." She grabbed her tablet. "Okay it looks like as long as you're not feeling like you're going to pass out or that your blood pressure isn't too low-"

She disappeared again, coming back in with a portable blood pressure machine. "Why do you have that?" He chuckled.

"Ms. Berkowitz next door hoards, and she insisted I needed one. Along with an entire month's supply of fiber tablets, and an oxygen tube, with no oxygen tank by the way, and a bunch of diaper rash cream that apparently has many uses." She had already strapped the machine to his arm and was patiently waiting for a reading. When the machine beeped, she read the number and gave him a punishing look. "It's pretty low. I'm surprised you didn't pass out, especially without eating. But it's not low enough where you have to go in. Why did you take so many?"

"Honestly, I didn't really mean to. I've never taken anything except when they had me on a few meds when I first got back, but it's for emergencies. I've never looked at the dose. I don't even really know what they're supposed to do. I just needed something, and I know drinking is not a good idea either." He said it so apologetically that she couldn't even scold him.

"Okay, well you're going to eat, and then we're going to watch some tv, and then we'll check your blood pressure again." She picked up the soup and spoon and brought it to his lips.

He wanted to protest that it wasn't necessary to be babied this way, but he didn't have the energy, and honestly maybe he did need to be babied this way.

"Luke, Honey, can you tell me what's wrong? I mean you've been acting so different."

He shrugged, "I don't know, something must have set me off. I haven't needed regular monitoring in years. You know how I said - how I said that I got through it? Well I know it's ongoing, but I thought I'd always catch it before…" She brought the spoon up again letting him open and take it in before handing him a cracker.

She watched him mindlessly do whatever she prompted him to do. "So you're not really sure? I understand, sometimes you just can't figure out what's wrong, and, even if you think you know, it's too hard to put in words. It's okay." She kept feeding him as she spoke.

After the soup and crackers were gone, and he washed it down with ginger ale, she took his blood pressure again, and it was a little better but not where it should be. She had turned on the tv, and she observed him as he stared at it without really seeing it.

Penelope put all of the stuff back in the kitchen and brought a water bottle, setting it on the nightstand. She climbed back in bed pushing him slightly to get the blanket so she could cover him.

He seemed so far away, so she scooted towards him, pulling at his t-shirt so he would do the same. She could see him. He wasn't really there. She grabbed his shoulder and pushed him up, put his pillows as well as hers behind her so she was angled upwards, and then pulled him to lay on her chest.

While her body wanted to react, her mind quickly shut it down. She was too scared for the man in front of her, to think of anything else. "Luke, Baby, it's okay. Whatever is wrong, it will pass. You've been through worse, and we all lose our way sometimes."

She put her chin to his hair and almost gave his head a kiss, but instead she brought one hand up to the back of his head, scratching lightly at his scalp.

She felt him relax. Luke also was aware of how intimate a position this could be, but it was not sexual at all. He always thought, if he was ever this close to her cleavage, there would be very little that could keep him from losing his mind. But he felt her presence comforting him. Her other hand was over the blankets in front of him. He grabbed it in his, holding onto her fingers.

"I'm not sure what I did P. It just hit me like a train, and it's like I - I don't know."

She let her face nuzzle his hair, the small curls loosening as she did. "Sometimes it's nothing you do. Sometimes it's something that happened, and you didn't even see it. Sometimes there's no reason. You don't have to have all the answers; you just have to want to ask the questions."

He nodded and felt her body react. She took off her bra when she threw on the t-shirt and shorts. He could see her nipples harden from the physical contact, but he also knew she wasn't turned on so much as unable to control the reaction to contact, but it affected him too. He almost laughed thinking that this was not how he ever thought he'd end up in bed with Penelope. He sighed, admitting internally that he had thought about it a few too many times.

"I just want to feel okay again. I want to know if I did something or could've done something different."

"Mental health is not an exact science. It doesn't always give the right answer the first time around. Can we get you into your therapist?" She questioned.

"I made an appointment next week. I knew I needed to go back before my monthly check up, but I didn't think it would be this bad before then."

She nodded and pulled her hand away from his to grab her tablet. She went to his doctor's website, and she might've done something a little bit wrong by checking the open appointments. There was one at noon. She slipped his name in there before sending off a text to Rossi. He had already told her that he thought Luke was going into a depressive state and to be there if he needed. Then she sent a text to Kevin, telling him it was in fact an emergency and not for Derek and to please cover for her tomorrow.

Rossi replied almost immediately. She forgot it was three hours earlier over there. Of course he wasn't asleep before ten. She wrote back, explaining she sent a text to Lynch, but that he should sort that out.

She set an alarm and then put the tiny computer down. "There, you have an appointment at noon, and we both have tomorrow off." She replaced her hand on his where he had it before.

She felt him chuckle. "You're too much. You did that one handed in less than three minutes. Ridiculous."

"Well I am the best."

"Yeah, I know."

A ridiculous part of her wanted to ask him that if he thought she was the best, why he didn't want to - she put that thought away. It didn't matter. Her friend needed her. She also had a very loving, doting boyfriend. Past ideas of possible romance with the man she was holding in her arms were gone, and it never really was. Derek had told her that much. He understood what she felt, and understood that it didn't just go away. All he said was that maybe she was sending the wrong signal, or maybe Luke was, but it didn't matter because it never came to fruition, and she can't cry over something she never had. It was tough love and not as simple as all that, but the night before they left Vegas he told her to call the guy she'd been putting off. She hadn't dated when she was holding out for Luke. Luke was dating. She didn't know if it was serious or not, but Derek told her it didn't matter. She couldn't watch someone else lead their life while she didn't.

She didn't know how long she'd been been quiet when she felt him move his head back to look at her. "Can you come down here?"

She nodded, slid down into the cover, and put his pillows back on his side, both of them adjusting to the regular position on the bed. Luke grabbed her hand again, both of them only inches apart from each other but in the space between, he set their intertwined hands.

Penelope brought her other hand up to his forehead lovingly pushing a curl out of the way. They were close as they gazed at each other. "Why do I - why do I feel okay here with you?" He asked innocently.

She wanted to tear up at the words that made her stomach do flips, but this wasn't about her and what she did and didn't want to hear. "I think we mean a lot to each other, Luke. I don't think we're ever not going to be close. We're part of a team that's a family, the only family I really have, and you're a piece of that. I'd be more worried if you didn't feel comfortable with me."

He smiled, "So even though you still give me the attitude, you do want me around?"

She giggled, "Don't push your luck, buddy." She took their intertwined hands and poked his chest with her finger.

"Do you promise to stay with me until I'm not scared again?" He didn't know exactly what he meant except that he was scared to be alone with his thoughts until he had a better handle on them.

"I can do that. You'll be okay again. But until you are, if you need to have someone there, I will be there."

He nodded. She could see his eyes were present sometimes, and then they would glaze over, and he was gone. She reached behind her, shutting off the lamp, but she left the light from her diffuser on with the lavender oil she put in it. Luke took her hand again as soon as she brought it back to him.

"We can talk until we fall asleep," she told him.

"Can you just tell me about something funny?"

She told him about the last time her and the other ladies of the BAU went out, and how they each lost a shoe and an earring, and how nobody ever figured out the mystery thanks to some strong sangria. He fell asleep, and, as soon as she heard his breathing even out, she snuggled into the blanket, falling asleep as well.

….

Thank you all for the reviews, favs, follows and PM's. Every single one of them is appreciated, especially when this season of CM has me drained.

My shoulder/arm/back is better, but I'm still cautious. Thanks to those of you who've asked. So sweet!

Thanks to Bookdragon2013 for fixing this up for me.


	3. Chapter 3

Penelope was waiting impatiently in the therapist's waiting room. She knew the appointment was an hour, but it was still tough for her. She wanted to be in there with him. She wanted to hear everything he had to say. She wanted to know everything, but she knew that's not how it worked. She also wanted to help him the best she could, and she wished she knew she was doing it right.

When he came out of the room, she shot out of her seat. He handed her a prescription. "She gave me something more mild, just until I get through this."

Penelope nodded, and they walked side by side out of the building. She drove them back to her house but stopped on the way for take out and his medicine. When they got back, they both changed into their comfy clothes again, but she didn't want to make it seem like she was condoning being a slug, so she pulled out board games that would at least make him engage with her. They took Roxy for two very long walks for the fresh air and the exercise. When nighttime rolled around again, she heard from Rossi that they were doing fine. They had a break in the case, and Rossi had cleared it so that she and Alvez could have the rest of the week off. She breathed a sigh of relief.

Luke crawled in bed just as she was sending a text back to Rossi. She'd already texted Emily, Derek, and Nicky while he was in the shower. She even sent a sincere thank you to Kevin.

She set her phone down, as he came close to her and laid his head on her chest like how she had the night before. She made tiny scratches on his scalp again as they silently breathed each other in.

"I need you right now, and it's terrifying." Luke told her.

Her fingers froze momentarily before resuming their scratching motion, "I understand, and it's okay to need someone. It happens. Do you need to tell me anything about today?"

"Well, my next appointment is in two days, so she obviously thinks I need some monitoring. We talked about all the things that happened lately, any changes in my life, to see if there was a trigger." He shrugged. "But I'm not really sure that's exactly it."

"Okay, that's okay." She put her face in his hair again. The curls were still a little damp, and he smelled like her shampoo mixed with Luke. "Am I doing the right thing?"

"I told her that I reached out and explained how the team is close and everything, so she thinks it's good."

"Good, I looked up all sorts of techniques online. They say to make sure we're going outside, engaging in mental activities, eating regularly, trying to sleep on a schedule, spending time with animals, and keeping physical contact with someone can also help."

"You've covered everything." He smiled sadly.

"Not everything, but most of it. Some things you can't do. They say sex and orgasms can help, but not if its a new or unhealthy relationship. That only helps when it's an established one. I think going along with that, there is actual skin to skin contact. Something about that releases good hormones, pheromones, endorphins maybe? Same with cuddling. Also trying new activities. I don't know what that means, surfing and pottery? Apparently the more exercise, the better, so we might have to do more than the leisurely walks. They also suggest journaling if that's your thing."

Luke smiled. She would try her hardest to do things right. She'd research until the cows came home. "Well, being so chronically single comes back to bite me in the ass again." He laughed. "And also I think surfing would be pretty hard in D.C."

She laughed. "You might be right, but I'm sure there's something else we could try. Maybe we can find something funky to do."

"I have no doubt you can." He chuckled, silently shaking his head at her. "Can you come down here again?"

Penelope complied with his request, sliding down in the covers again. She reached over and turned the light off, leaving just the low glow of her diffuser.

He gripped her hand tightly in his and closed the space between them. "I'm sorry to ask this, but can we cuddle? Is that okay?" His voice was so cautious that she felt her heart lerch.

She took a deep breath before nodding, which he could see in the low light. "Spooning or intertwined fork legs?" She tried to lighten the moment for her own sake.

"Uh, if fork legs is us face to face, then that." He smiled.

She closed the last couple inches between them, feeling his arms come around her back. She put hers around his middle, and then let their legs twist into each other, each laying one on the other.

He pulled her close, and her chest was flush against his, but their faces were still far enough apart to look at each other. "I wish that you didn't have to see me like this," he said apologetically.

"It's okay, sweetie. I don't mind. I like seeing you for you." She let her hand run up his arm to his cheek, reassuring him and then feeling him place a kiss to her palm. She returned her hand to his middle. "Want me to tell you about how Derek lost his pants in Vegas?" She was trying to suppress her laughter.

Luke chuckled at her and nodded. She spoke until he fell asleep.

…..

They spent the next day on schedule, walking, eating, talking, but in the afternoon she dragged him in the car and drove without telling him anything. She had taken him to his house to get more clothes and shoes.

When they got to a nice hotel and walked through the huge lobby toward the ballroom, he was ready to run. But she anticipated that and grabbed his hand dragging him along. "Don't worry. It's a beginner ballroom class. Everyone's going to be terrible, especially me. Nicky practically has to carry me to make me go the right direction."

They entered the room, and there were couples of various ages and sizes and with different lengths of relationship. Some were learning for their wedding, some were dragged there to spice up their marriage, and there were two older couples that were just there to have fun. They quickly noticed they were the only friends in attendance, but it didn't seem to matter as they twirled and laughed. One of the more eccentric husbands would spin around and take off with the instructor, telling the man he'd rather follow than lead because it was less pressure. Penelope only recognized how much Luke was laughing when she felt her own tears come to her eyes as she held her stomach.

They danced and even made some friends. She wasn't sure they learned much at all, but they did get through one song without stepping on each other's toes. When the class was over, they both went to the snack table with the punch and cookies and mingled with the others. The instructor, Michael, came up to them. "And are you two going to come back when you decide to get married? We can make a dance just for you."

Penelope smiled politely at the various people waiting for their answer. "Actually we're not dating."

They got various scoffs of disbelief and a few why nots. "We work together, and we're friends." She wasn't sure how to say I really wanted to date him, but he apparently wanted to date other people, so I moved on.

One of the middle aged, married ladies, chimed in, "But you're so comfortable with each other, and you have so much chemistry."

Penelope shyly laughed and looked down, not even wanting to see Luke's face. "Yeah well you're not the first to say it, but we are both in relationships with other people so…" She trailed off hoping the conversation would turn to something else.

They eventually said their goodbyes. Penelope gave out her card to a few people who asked if they'd want to go to a real dance and try it sometime.

Luke was laughing and talking more like himself. He even absentmindedly sang along with the radio as she drove them back to her apartment.

They followed what had seemed to be a routine. While he was in the shower, she checked in with the team, finding out they caught the unsub and were heading back in the morning when the snow was supposed to stop. Emily texted her this time, to tell her they could both have until Monday off, and to let her know if they needed more.

Penelope sent out a group text about the charity event, asking them to RSVP to her so she knew how many more seats to tell Nicky to fill.

She also text Nicky, apologizing that she still couldn't see him and didn't have time to talk, but that she was excited for the Saturday night event.

She put her phone down and grabbed her lotion. She showered before him. Both of them deciding it was soothing at night and, without having to wake up and shower for work, it was easy to relax. She was rubbing her scented lotion all over her body, stomach, breasts, thighs, butt, and, when he came in, she was rubbing it down her legs. She smiled at him, but she quickly averted her eyes when she saw he decided against a shirt that night.

Luke watched her run her hand up her smooth legs, cursing himself for feeling better and therefore his mind being less inclined to regulate his body by itself.

She finished up with her arms and hands, setting the lotion on her nightstand and waiting for him to get in the bed. He got under the covers seeking her scent, now mixed with the spicy vanilla of her lotion. "Penelope, thanks for today. It was good to forget things for a couple hours."

She smiled, "Yeah I had fun, and, if you ever want to go dancing..." She laughed. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes and no. Yes because yes, it's not as bad, but no because I can feel that it's tentative, and I could mess it all up."

She nodded, "I understand feeling scared, and I understand feeling like you can't trust yourself yet. It's okay." Penelope reached out and pushed a damp curl backwards.

"Thank you." Luke reached out and put his hand on her thigh. She turned and hit the light, once again leaving them in the dim light, before burrowing down into the covers and coming towards him to intertwine the way they had done the night before.

"Aren't you going to be cold? It's still not fully Spring yet. That's why I've got the heavy comforter out."

"Skin on skin actually keeps you warmer than shirt on shirt." He said quietly, looking at her neck and not her face.

She lowered her eyes wanting to figure out what he was saying, "Yeah, uh, survival 101, right? But I don't think it works skin on shirt." She explained.

Luke let his eyes reach up to her face and then down again to their intertwined hands, "I know, I just thought since - what you said yesterday about skin on skin helping with the - and, uh, never mind. I can grab a shirt," he said shyly. Suddenly he was that scared Luke from just a couple days ago.

She took a deep breath. He was reaching out, and she really didn't think he was just trying to get a girl naked. Over the last few days, it was clear he was starved for physical affection. She wondered why that was. He had some girlfriend type around, but it was clear, whatever she was, he didn't trust her enough to be vulnerable yet. He was stirring under the covers, presumably to go get his shirt, but she gripped his arm indicating he should stay. She sat up wordlessly and pulled her shirt over her head, throwing it to the side and then sliding back to her position next to him. She wanted to feel self conscious about having her coworker seeing her partially naked, but she couldn't manage to. Something about this was extremely intimate but still not necessarily sexual.

Penelope returned her legs to where they were and put her hand on his waist as she had done the night before, finally letting her eyes travel up to his. Luke's eyes were glued to her face. She didn't know if he was really this courteous, or if he was deliberately trying to show her respect, but she knew he wasn't trying to use her. He didn't have anything to prove, she knew.

She blinked at him, and he pulled her close like the night before, her chest was pressed tightly into his. His warm skin made her feel so oddly content at that moment. She was supposed to be giving him comfort, but instead, his body was providing some to her. She realized that the skin on skin contact was very much a way to feel connected, and to be soothed and calmed, and to feel safe. She felt her nipples harden, she couldn't manage to cut off the communication to her body before her mind sent the signal that the man she'd had feelings for was now holding her close. Her eyes had been closed as she adjusted to the sensation, but, when she opened them, she saw his still fixated on her.

Penelope gave him a small smile. "You can either choose to hear about when Tara accidentally threw JJ's keys into a child's swimming pool before dropping her margarita down Emily's shirt, or you can listen to why Derek lost his cell phone in his pocket and started shouting Savannah's name into my hair dryer."

Luke remained silent, so she spoke again. "Well I'm sure we can get to both." She spoke until he slept.

…..


	4. Chapter 4

My life decided to turn to garbage all at once. My very long term relationship broke up so I am working on moving. I was in the hospital. I am in physical therapy but they are now sending me for tests. I also had a biopsy done for a completely different medical reason. And my car broke down. And so did my hair straightener. (Btw the only thing I cried about was the hair straightener.) So anyway, that's why I have been too busy. If I haven't responded to you here, on Twitter or Tumblr I am sorry. I enjoy hearing from you. Love the reviews. I just haven't had the time. But I had this and a chapter of Manor ready so those two are getting updated today. Cash, When, Fog, and some of my one-shots aren't edited yet so idk when that will happen. Bear with me. And thanks for the support.

* * *

They walked into the office, the therapist was at the receptionist's desk. As soon as Luke walked in, the woman motioned for him to follow her. Before he went in, he gave Penelope a hug.

Penelope saw the other woman give her an odd glance before leading Luke away. She shrugged; she was thinking too much lately.

She sent off texts to the others, answering their questions about the charity dinner the next night. She gave Rossi and Derek an update. Derek was talking about making it down, that him and Savannah needed a break together. She attempted to call Nicky. It was usually a busy time of day for him, but she wanted him to know she made the effort. Glancing at the time, she still had another forty five minutes, so she told the receptionist she was going for coffee.

….

Luke was staring at his therapist as she asked again, "Is that fair to her?"

"I don't - I mean, she's my friend. She's there for me. All of them told me they would be, and she's - I mean, she was the only one here, but I think I would've called her anyway."

"It is good that you feel you have someone you can rely on so fully. What makes her different?"

"She's just different, just her. Who she is is different."

"We talked about changes recently in your life. You mentioned your caseload had been much the same, and your friends are the same, your house, your dog, but what changed is you went on a date. You said this woman doesn't matter much to you, not of her own doing, just because it's new, and you're not sure?"

Luke nodded, "Well yes, and I still don't see how a few dates would throw me this way."

"I don't either, unless there was a reason behind it. Dating one person means you aren't available for another. It means you're moving in one direction, and maybe it limits your options. Options you thought would always be open. Sometimes an episode can come on just from something triggering you to examine more about your own life than you really wanted to." Luke felt the frustration on his face, and he ran a hand over it as if he could swipe it and change it like Penelope's tablet screen.

"I guess, but I'm not... We're not exclusive. It's barely anything. I'm so busy, and it's... I mean, really nothing changed that much. If I never saw her again, I don't think I'd even care."

The nice woman with the fashionable grey streak in her hair gave him a discerning look before continuing, "I believe you, but, as you are going through this process, truly think about what feels different. Maybe the change isn't always about you." She waited for him to nod. "Let's talk about your medication." Luke carried on with the rest of the conversation, but he was distinctly confused the rest of the session.

….

"How'd it go?" Penelope handed him a tea while she drank her own. "I know you like coffee, but why fray our nerves when we don't even have to file paperwork today?" She sipped again as they left the building.

"Thanks. I have another appointment on Monday. Guess I'm worse than we thought." He ribbed.

Penelope shook her head. "Don't say that, Honey. You're going to be just fine." She grabbed his hand as they walked to the car as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Should we go by your place to get you a suit for tomorrow night? That way we don't have to rush around doing things before the big night?"

"Sure, makes sense."

"Are you bringing a date, or should I let Nicky know to give up the seat?" She asked as she drove towards his home.

"Actually, I forgot. She said JJ told her about it, but I didn't think to remind her."

Luke watched as Penelope absentmindedly patted his leg. "You've been generously preoccupied."

Luke laughed as she summed up his utter desolation so whimsically.

They grabbed his suit and some take out before heading back to her house for more games and movies and walks.

When he emerged from the shower shirtless again, she sighed, knowing that tonight would be just as intimate as the one before, but still utterly platonic. She never thought this was how he would see her nipples. She'd thought of a lot of ways it could happen, but this was never one of them.

"Everyone seems to be coming and bringing their spouses. Derek and Savannah are flying in. They're bringing my Hank to see me since that didn't work out last time."

"Oh, right." He checked his phone and saw the confirmation. "Put me down as plus one it seems."

Penelope nodded and sent a text to Nicky. "I know this sounds odd, but playing Monopoly twice has me mentally drained. That's a once a day kind of game." Penelope's observation made him laugh.

He was under the covers in no time. He felt almost too comfortable at this point. He didn't ever want to feel like he couldn't live without something that might go away. It scared him momentarily, until he realized Penelope already told him she never would go away, and he believed her.

He watched her stand up from the bed as she plugged in her phone. The night before he had barely glimpsed her chest. He didn't want to take advantage of a situation when he was truly just trying to find some solace. But as he was settling in on his side, he was surprised she pulled her shirt over her head, throwing it to the floor, leaning over to shut off the lamp before crawling into bed. He might have been caught off guard, but he didn't try to look away as hard as he should've. He took a breath to calm his mind. Besides, she was comfortable too. She wouldn't have done that if she didn't trust him.

He watched as she scooted to her spot, his eyes darting to her chest a couple times as she moved towards him. He bit his lip. He really shouldn't have looked, but it was difficult not to since she wasn't even trying to hide.

Once she situated herself into her spot, he pulled her to his chest, just as he had the night before. This time, instead of the mild sensation and comfort, he felt an overwhelming sense of arousal. He pushed his hips back so she wouldn't feel him. He was not going to mess up the only thing keeping him grounded right now.

Unfortunately, she didn't recognize what he was doing, as she threw her leg over his hip the way she had been doing for three nights already. He knew the moment she felt it because her eyes shot up to his. "Sorry, umm, just, you know, you were moving around a lot, and you threw the shirt off before the light, uh, just - I was caught off guard and didn't give you a chance to have privacy the way I did last night."

She blinked slowly, letting him know she understood. "It's okay. It's a natural reaction, probably good, at least that's what I've read. Sexual desire means you're not as lost in depression or trauma. Your body has a harder time reacting when you are, so it's a good thing. Also, uh, even without actual sex, feeling sexual has the added benefit of boosting self esteem and confidence and releasing those good hormones and all." Penelope knew she was rambling, but she tried to keep her voice steady as she jumbled a few thrown together facts from various articles.

Luke nodded appreciatively, "I think that's true. I honestly feel a lot more normal right now than I have for almost two weeks. I guess it's the sense of connection."

Penelope smiled, "Probably something like that." She didn't want him to think she was offended or to scare him or that she was only saying it to make him feel better. So she sidled up to him like normal, ignoring her own arousal by feeling his pressed against her.

Luke relaxed. She wouldn't be mean about it, but she didn't have to be okay with it either. "I think I fell asleep before I heard the end of the story."

"Which one?"

"All of them." Both of them laughed. Her hand fell off his hip as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. He concluded she was entirely too comfortable because, whenever her chest wasn't flush with his, he could get a pretty good view of her.

She returned to her position, putting her hand back on his waist. "Well we're in bed a little early, so I can start from the beginning if you like."

"Sure but do you think we could just, just hug for, for a little while, you know without - just without thinking?"

She heard his low request, that voice that he used whenever he wanted something he wasn't sure that he should. She wasn't sure either. She was his friend, and she would do whatever he needed. He wasn't trying to use her, but she didn't know if he knew where his own line ended. Then again, it was her who had liked him, not the other way around, and she could do this without taking it too far. She may still react to him, but she had purposely moved past her infatuation with him. It was the only reason she could do this these past days and not dream constantly about it being more than it was.

She did what she had been doing a lot lately. She answered him with action. She came in close to him, and, instead of keeping eye contact and telling a story, she put her face right next to his while letting him hold onto her tightly.

He steadied his breath. He needed affection. He didn't realize how deprived of it he felt, and not just sex, but the feeling of having someone close. He didn't realize how much he needed it until he had it in his arms.

"Penelope, can you just rub my sides or my arm or something just so I can feel your hands moving?"

She had a serene smile on her face as she started moving her hand from his hip bone up his obliques and back. She alternated between that and rubbing from his forearm up to his shoulder and down.

He felt very calmed by the sensation and the repetitive motion. "Thank you. I guess it just feels so weird. I don't think I've touched someone in a long time, and I didn't realize how much I needed to feel real."

Penelope pulled back and squinted at him as her hand stilled. "I thought you and - aren't you?"

Luke shrugged. "We're seeing each other, I guess, but it's not easy. She's busy, I'm busier. It's slow moving. I've kissed her." He said informatively.

Penelope took a deep breath. She suddenly felt a huge sense of relief climb through her body, but she knew she shouldn't acknowledge why. Especially because it wouldn't always be that way. "I understand. It's tough to feel alone, and you just need to connect. That's difficult on its own, but coupled with other things, it can feel more than isolating." She studied him for a second before speaking again. "Do you - do you want to touch me? Do you need to feel that I'm real?"

His eyes shot to hers, searching for pity or for insincerity, maybe even obligation, but all he saw was genuine concern. The hand that was in the middle of her back, holding her close, slowly moved. He brought it to her side mimicking her movement, running it down her side dipping in at the waist and back down. He felt better than he had in a long time. He was affecting another human being on an intimate level, and that made him feel more alive than almost anything else.

She was distinctly aware that it was Luke, a man she had liked for a long time, touching her. She put it out of her head as much as she could and instead thought only of the physical touch and concentrating on his face and his needs. She could see the wonder and the reassurance crossing over his features.

The intimacy wasn't lost on her, and every time she felt him move upwards near her breast she felt it in her core, but that was inevitable. The skin there was so sensitive and underutilized.

Penelope had let him move on his own, but she wanted him to feel real in all ways so she returned to the path of her hand on his arm. They both continued their movements, never ceasing and never moving further out of range.

When she started to feel more relaxed, she quietly whispered, "Do you need anything else? Do you want me to hold you close now?"

"Yes, close, but touch me, my back or my chest, just touch me."

She did so as she formed her body into his, wrapping her leg around his thigh and pulling him close pushing her chest into his and using her fingertips to run up and down his back.

"Do you-uh do you think I'm using you?" He whispered.

She pulled back to look at his face, their noses almost touching, "No, why would you ask that?"

"Something my therapist said about not being fair to you, to not ask quite so much of you."

"I'm sure she's very good at her job, and she seems to care a lot, but that doesn't mean she can understand what happens between two people. I'm here for you any way I can be. It's who am, but also you mean something to me, and I think I could ask for your help too if I ever need it."

"Yes, I told you that." It was the most present thing he'd said in days.

"Okay then, I can understand you. I really can. I understand feeling like you're in the dark. Sometimes what you need doesn't sound or feel rational or logical. It just feels."

"Thank you." His voice low again.

She pressed her body against his and felt his hand run from her hip up and down and over again. He let his finger tips go higher, and then he stared into her eyes, asking for permission. She nodded and kept her fingertips slowly moving against his skin.

He watched her nod in acceptance, and then he let his finger tips touch the side of her breast ever so slightly, enough to make her center pulse with need, but she sent a signal to her body that it had been misinterpreted. He did it over and over all the way down and let his palm settle on the side of her breast before repeating the action.

"Luke, you're going to be fine, and I'll help you through anything. You have a lot of support, a lot of family." The words were barely coming out of her mouth. She was speaking them into his, only inches away.

He stared at her again, and she closed in on him, lightly pressing her lips to his in a delicate and swift kiss, his movements never stopping.

He nodded gratefully, eventually their comforting circles lulled them both to sleep in each other's arms.

….


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the patience, everyone. Since my life is so hectic right now I will probably concentrate on finishing Cash and When first, since Manor and Signals don't have as many favs or follows. I haven't had a chance to reply to most of you but please know I appreciate all of it. Thank you.

* * *

While she was running around the house trying to make sure she had everything she needed, she was simultaneously helping the other ladies prepare over the phone, getting a picture and then responding with a quick opinion. Luke watched as she ran from room to room. There were still hours before this thing was happening, but no one seemed to acknowledge that when it came time for dresses.

She eventually got off the phone and came to sit next to him on the couch where he had been cuddling Roxy and zoning out to the television. "Are you even a little excited?"

Luke shrugged, "Not sure, I don't feel like dancing in front of all those people, and also I don't really want to embarrass myself in front of a girl I don't know well yet. Plus it's the first time I'm going to be around a bunch of people I know, out in public again. The dance class was different. It was less pressure because I wouldn't have to see them again, but these are people I'm going to see everyday, and they must already know what's wrong."

"Stupid profilers." She agreed with his unvoiced opinion, making him smile. "Look, you'll be fine. First of all, I'll be there, and, if you want to leave, we will. I can explain to both of our dates why we need to go, and our family will understand. They have all gone through things like this, Honey. Really, they get it. Isn't that what they all told me when I went all whackadoo about my shooting?" She stroked his hair.

He leaned into her touch. "You're right, I know. I guess I still feel sort of embarrassed, even though I know I shouldn't, but also I'm not really prepared to share this with someone I barely know."

Penelope nodded and brought him to lean on her chest. "You don't have to, not yet. Not until you trust her. If she asks anything, all you have to say is you're tired or work has been nuts lately. Neither of those things are really a lie." She felt him nod. She pressed her lips to his hair again, leaving them there while she comforted him.

….

Luke was walking into the ballroom arm in arm with Penelope. They were joking about something when she saw all the people from work and their spouses staring at them. There was her Derek and her Savannah and her Nicky. She dragged Luke over and hugged Savannah first since she hadn't seen her in a while, then Nicky who she'd seen laughing and joking with Derek when she arrived. She proceeded to give out hugs and greetings to the spouses and the team before standing at the front of the group. "Wow, I'm tired just from the salutations." They smiled. Luke had sort of said hellos to the team, but he went to stand in between Matt and Rossi while Penelope was doing the rounds.

Nicky grabbed her hand. "I was just explaining to all of these lovely people that this was going to be highly boring, but that the extremely expensive champagne and dinner makes it bearable." He kissed her briefly.

"I'm sure you're right. Should we go in?" Penelope said to all of them. "Oh wait, do we need to wait for-" She was questioning Luke.

"She's going to be a little late, some emergency at the hospital." Luke shrugged. Penelope nodded and let Nicky lead the way into the massive ballroom, with prodigious chandeliers and decorations.

"Holy shit," Penelope whispered to Nicky as she leaned into his arm. "I thought the other events you took me to were lavish. This is a wedding, a fancy, fancy wedding."

Nicky laughed. "I told you. This is why I figured we could bring all of your family here. I can impress them with my charm and wit, but nothing says _I'm cool_ like a crystal swan centerpiece." He kissed her temple as he led the way to their table. The main round tables at the front were massive and held sixteen people each.

"I didn't quite believe that it would be this massive. The table really does fit all of us and a spare, I think."

"Yes, well, I will be up mingling some of the time, and also I have to give a speech, so I need my champagne immediately." Nicky gestured to the table, indicating to the large group that they should choose their seats. Derek was nearest to Penelope, but she pointed for him to move down and waved to Luke to come sit next to her since he was still acting shy.

Derek exchanged glances with almost everyone else at the table as he watched Penelope whisper to Luke when he sat down. Their demeanors were very intimate, and it didn't go unnoticed by the overly attentive group.

"Oh, I've got to go talk to Congressman Keegan. Please excuse me." Nicky nodded at the table.

"So kids, how was it holding down the fort back here?" Rossi questioned the two who were still whispering to each other. Penelope was glaring at Luke for something he said, but she took a deep breath and then answered.

"Oh uh, yeah, it was fine. I don't think anything got broken. Haven't been in to check my office yet so who knows what Kevin did." She took a sip of her water, pushing her champagne glass away from her.

"Everything seemed in order when I went to check on it." JJ smiled as Will handed her her glass.

"It was a little boring without you two, if I'm honest. Not one woman told me I have nice biceps, and nobody else stole my phone when he forgot to charge his." Matt grinned at the two of them, earning a small chuckle from Luke.

"I can write it down for you next time so you can look at it if you like." Penelope put her cheek to her shoulder, smiling sweetly at Matt.

"Please don't. He's fully aware, and it's quite annoying," Kristy said as she kissed her husband on the cheek.

"I'm sorry. Are you cheating on me?" Derek asked offended.

"Yes. But not as often as I could, if that helps." She giggled when he put his hand over his heart.

Savannah leaned on her husband's shoulder. "He also needs no reminders. Don't worry. He's full of himself all on his own."

"We did miss you out there." Tara tilted her head at the two across the table from her.

"We really did. It wasn't the same without you two arguing over video conference," Emily added.

"Yeah, and no one wanted to read the shore zone activity report, even though we could actually go and see where the researchers had different marks indicating erosion and-"

Derek cut Reid off, "Okay kid, we're trying to have dinner and dance, not write a science report."

But Luke got excited momentarily, "I know what you mean. I would've gone. I read the NRCA's new publication about maintaining biodiversity. English Ivy is trampling on the native species in the absence of competitors. They are attempting to revegetate though, so they can prevent sediments and to restore the original hydrology," Luke spoke assuredly.

"Precisely, it's ridiculous how much hands-on work it's going to take, mostly because of the man made fires that have caused such a change to the natural habitat," Reid happily chirped back.

Derek glanced between the two people who could've been speaking a foreign language

"Well, if you two nerds are done, can someone hand me the champagne?" Emily chimed in.

Derek snapped out of it in order to pass Emily the bottle.

Penelope and Luke were whispering to each other again, while the others attempted to fake interest in casual conversation. Finally Penelope turned to the table while grabbing Luke's wrist. "We'll be right back," she growled.

They watched as he reluctantly followed her. "What the hell?" Derek asked the general question.

Rossi shook his head. "I don't know. They're just... they're both so blind and stubborn, and, even when they are both dating other people, it seems that they can't manage to pay attention to anyone but each other."

"We-I thought she got over this when we were on vacation. She said she was disappointed, but she made it sound miniscule and temporary. This doesn't feel miniscule," Derek announced, looking to the others for answers.

"It doesn't. What they do in their personal lives seems to affect the other, and it's the first time either of them dated since they met, so I guess it finally is affecting their work. It never had before," Emily explained.

"Neither one of them seems to grasp what is happening. Neither of them seems to know what's wrong. The other day she dropped everything, left dinner with Nicky to go tend to Luke. I think she would've done the same for any of us, but she didn't tell Nicky, and she's kept Luke at her house since then. I feel like, if it were anyone else, she'd have called the rest of us for backup," JJ said.

"Wait, she lied to Nicky?" Tara asked astonished.

"I don't think she lied. I think she omitted," Will chimed in. He heard Penelope telling JJ earlier on the phone to keep it mum about Luke because she didn't explain in full to Nicky what was going on.

"He knows that she had an emergency, but he must've assumed it was actually work related, not work adjacent. She did tell him that Luke was having a hard time, but she hasn't mentioned that he's been staying with her." JJ picked up her glass and took another sip to calm herself.

Nicky returned and sat down, "Well, don't bring Penelope to a dinner with the congressman who advocates for animals. I just spent ten minutes talking to him about her preferences for dog collar donations. I had to tell him he can catch up with her later." Nicky laughed, and he got a few chuckles and conspiratorial nods from the table. "Did Gracie help Luke find his date?"

"They went out to the main entrance," Emily said vaguely before turning the conversation to the lavish decor.

….

"Why are you acting like this? Why are you pulling away again? I can feel it," Penelope pleaded with him.

Luke paced in the small hall leading to the emergency exit where she had dragged him. "Garcia, I'm fine." He glimpsed the moment of hurt that graced her face when he said the more formal name even though they were alone.

Penelope schooled her face into annoyance and pushed away the pain and fear. "No, you are not. You don't get to make progress like this and then _choose_ to throw it away. And _you are_ throwing it away. If this is making you uncomfortable, we can leave. I told you that. If you need something else right now, then let's do that."

Luke threw his hands up and then put one palm to his forehead. "Garcia, that's the problem. It's not your responsibility to take care of me. You can't run away from your boyfriend because I'm acting childish. You can't put your life on hold. He's only going to be patient for so long."

"You know, maybe _you_ would only be patient for so long. Nicky has been nothing but understanding and flexible about everything. Don't tell me about my relationship, Alvez." Her tone was harsh, and she knew it, but he was hiding something.

"Garcia, what are we going to do, share a bed? The three of us? Anytime I get sad I'll just come over and slide in between you two so you can hold me and make me feel like I actually exist?" His disbelieving harsh tone made her take a step back.

"There is more to all of this than just that, and you won't always need that. Right now is just the thick of it, but you'll come out on the other side." She softened, but she couldn't suppress her hurt.

"No. I mean, yes. I know, but what happens until then, and what happens if I get down and out next time, and you two are living together or married? Look, Garcia thank you for everything you've done, but it's clear I need to finish the rest of this journey on my own. I can't get used to something that I won't always have. I want you to be happy, and you can't be while you're worrying about me." She saw the old Luke coming back, the annoying one that she had known for years now.

"So, as soon as you're feeling better, you just… You know what? Fine, Alvez. If that's-" She spun and stomped a few feet away before whirling back to him. "You know what? As soon as you're okay, then you just throw me away like I'm garbage, like I'm useless. Am I even a real person to you? Do you know I'm here? I've been here since the day we met, and I used to think you knew I existed, and then I figured out I was wrong. These past few days, I thought I understood you better, but here you are just… I'm not trying to say I don't want you to be okay. That was the whole point, for you to feel okay again. But I will tell you, with everything we've done and with all the time and effort and intimacy that I've given freely, I never once felt used until right now." She felt the tears welling up, but she quickly wiped them away when he stared into her eyes. She scoffed and turned to find the bathroom to fix her makeup.

Luke sat on the bench in the small hallway, scanning the walls around him. The lavish decor and paintings, the high ceiling of the main foyer in the distance, but he had never felt less like a decent human being than right then. She didn't understand. He was trying to stop using her. He was trying to let her live her life. She was too nice of a person, and she would put her own happiness on hold to help a coworker who could give her nothing in return. It made no sense, and he didn't want to feel responsible. He knew Nicky was a nice guy, but there was no way that he was really okay with what they'd been doing. Maybe he was pretending for her sake since the relationship was new, but Luke knew at some point the guy would put his foot down and rightfully so. He pulled out his phone, seeing a text from his not-girlfriend that she would be there in ten minutes. He replied to her with a table number. He also asked her if she would like to come to his place - no strings attached, just some private time to finally talk to each other. When he got an affirmative answer, he decided to return to the table. He wanted to let Penelope know he wasn't trying to go backwards. He was just not intruding on her anymore. After all, he was still reaching out.

….

"The big case that you all were working on, it was bad? I know you can't tell me details and stuff, but it must've been serious. Gracie seemed so stressed," Nicky asked over his champagne glass. He saw the others glance at each other and hesitate. He might not have been FBI, but he knew he was missing something. "I'm sorry. Was it personal? I know she had told me Luke was having a tough time, that he had PTSS before. Did the case trigger something?"

Rossi leaned back in his chair and waited for Hayden to rub his arm in support. "Uh, sort of, yes and no. Not sure what triggered his latest battle, not exactly, but he's been taking time from the caseload."

"Right, yeah, I'm sorry. What a personal question. I shouldn't have. Part of our firm deals exclusively with mental health advocacy. I get that it's intricate. I just didn't know how to help Gracie. She seemed worried about him but distracted." He let it drop. He wasn't stupid. He knew there was something he didn't know. He turned to Derek. "Hey, I heard you two had fun in Vegas. She said she only lost one pair of underwear, a headband, and two shoes, albeit not from the same pair." Nicky laughed.

Derek chuckled. "You are correct. Somehow she fared better than I did. That girl has a stamina for tequila that I don't. I slept in a hallway one night because I couldn't remember how to get to my room, which by the way was literally ten feet away."

Luke returned to the table, sitting in his seat with an empty chair on either side of him. He was too distracted to feel the hush fall over the table. Nicky didn't want him to notice, so he started asking questions, "Is your date almost here?"

"Uh, yeah. She's five minutes out."

Nicky grinned at him, "Well, that's good. You've been seeing her for awhile right?"

Luke shrugged. "I guess, sort of. I probably haven't spent enough time with her, or actually I know I haven't spent enough time with her," Luke amended. He almost reached for the champagne glass in front of him, but his hand grasped the water instead.

"Well, if she's been understanding so far, I'm sure she can be persuaded," Nicky said apprehensively towards the group, not sure if this was a good thing.

"Uh yeah, I'm trying to mend that. I'll go home with her, so don't worry about staying away anymore. I can come get my stuff from Garcia's tomorrow or something." Luke glanced at him quickly and then continued fidgeting with his napkin. "I told her you couldn't be that understanding for long. She already left you high and dry at that dinner and all." Luke shrugged and pulled out his phone feeling it vibrate.

Everyone else at the table looked like deer caught in headlights as they all fixated on Nicky. Nicky glanced around to the entire table with a resigned tight smile on his face. He blinked and nodded that no one had to intervene. When Luke slid his phone back in his pocket, Nicky turned to him, "No worries, man. I'm sure she didn't do anything for you she didn't want to."

"She just feels obligated. That's not fair." Luke was moving his glass around, staring at the tablecloth.

"Well, I've known her for twenty-five years, and I can tell you that she'd rather miss a stupid charity dinner and be there for someone than to be the type of person who lets people feel alone. The worry on its own would drive her crazy," Nicky said resolutely watching Luke barely nod, so preoccupied. Nicky sat back in his chair glancing at everyone at the table. Most of them were astonished. They knew he was nice, knew he was a good guy, knew he was the best thing since sliced bread if they'd taken Penelope at her word. They didn't know just exactly how true it was until they saw the man put aside his probable anger and betrayal because he understood that sometimes people don't mean to hurt you. They are just so hurt themselves that they don't understand the collateral damage.

Nicky watched them all nod at him. Some of them even tipped their glasses to him in appreciation. He held up a hand briefly, before returning to conversation, "Isn't that your date?"

Luke glanced up to see the beautiful woman in a beautiful dress, walking towards the table. She was smiling wildly, but he barely managed a grin. She got to him and kissed him when he stood up to hug her. "You've met almost everyone, right?" Luke asked.

"Enough of you that I might be able to learn new names tonight." The woman looked radiant. She was gorgeous. Her dress accentuated her body, her hair was impeccable, and the smile on her face made her look even more luminous. She received kind grins from everyone. Luke was absentmindedly moving his fork around near his plate.

Rossi stepped in. "You look lovely tonight, dear."

"You really do. That's a Marchesa, is it not?" Hayden smiled softly at her.

"Yes, it is. I had it on order before it even existed. Luckily my mother has connections in all the places it really matters, clothes and shoes." She grinned at the smiling faces coming back to her.

"Here, should I pour you a drink?" Derek questioned.

"Actually, I'm not officially on call, but there was a rumor that we might get a kidney for one of my older patients tonight. If that happens, I want to be able to go in." She nodded at him gratefully.

"Are you a surgeon?" Savannah asked.

"No. Well, yes. I actually work with wounded veterans, mostly recovery and rehabilitation. My specialty was general surgery, but right after I graduated, I went to volunteer with Doctors without Borders, so I ended up in Kabul, Botswana, Haiti, East Sudan... I was terrified, and I wasn't even fighting the fight, so, when I got back, I needed to do something that felt like it mattered more." The woman smiled sweetly at the other.

"You are better than me. As soon as I graduated, I could not wait to get my first paycheck, but, after sleeping at the hospital for days, never seeing my bed, and forgetting if I showered, it suddenly felt like I'd made a terrible decision since the pay would barely cover food and student loan payments." Savannah smiled at her.

"I understand. I know most of my friends felt the exact same way. I'm very lucky that my parents were able to pay for my schooling, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to volunteer."

The woman finally turned back to Luke who seemed distant and unentertained. "Uh, so glad you could make it." Emily caught her attention.

"Yeah, me too. I remember that Penelope had said something, but I didn't know the details until yesterday." She informed them. "Were you that busy on the case?" She squinted at the people at the table, genuinely curious.

"Cases can get tough," Tara said diplomatically, to which the woman nodded.

Penelope returned to the table. Luke glanced up at her and suddenly wasn't zoned out anymore. He looked angry and pissed, while at the same time seeming to relax from the comfort of her presence.

"Oh hey, how are you? Glad you made it." Penelope gave the newcomer a hug when she stood up. Turning to Nicky, she asked, "Honey, that congresswoman's wife is harassing me about getting the collar I made as the prototype for the ones they're donating. Do you have it?"

"It's in the car. I can get it when I'm done with my speech." Nicky smiled at her.

"No, that woman is crazy. Just give me your keys. I'll go get it," She told him.

"Not to be all caveman, as you say, but I think maybe _not_ going out in the dark parking lot by yourself is a good idea," Nicky said playfully, "and I think my speech is soon. I don't want them to call my name, and there be that hushed silence run over the crowd, asking who the jerk is who is holding up the dinner."

"I'll go with her," Luke said standing up.

"I can do just fine on my own, Alvez," she said, her voice suddenly taking on a dark tone.

"Well apparently, I can't, so I guess you better accompany me before I break into tiny pieces." He grabbed the keys from Nicky who was casually holding them out to no one in particular.

Penelope huffed and followed Luke who was already walking away.

The table fell into silence again. Nicky sat back down and took a sip of his drink, before turning towards the woman's voice that was on the other side of the now two vacant seats. "Uh, I just have a question if you all don't mind." Luke's date glanced around at all the attentive, kind faces before continuing, "I know I'm not the profiler, but every date we've ever been on has included her in someway, and about half of them have ended with him leaving me at a table and walking away with her. I _should_ actually read into that, correct?"

Most of the people around her gave resigned and exhausted sighs. They were taken-aback when she started giggling, "On our first date, she came over to our table and rambled about him. She told me that people tell her he's attractive, but she just doesn't see it. I wanted to ask her if she needed new glasses, but I didn't know her, and I didn't want to offend her with the joke." The woman couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Everyone joined in, shaking their heads in recognition. "Don't feel bad. Ten minutes ago, I just figured out why she had a sudden change of heart. It had nothing to do with my persuasive skills," Nicky said with a slight giggle of his own.

"I've got to be honest, I didn't think this is how the night would turn out, but I definitely didn't know that you two would be so…" Emily trailed off.

"Not going to lie, this sort of stings, but, to be honest, I knew I liked him, and I knew he didn't really like me. His best friend made him go out with me, and he tried to get out of it for weeks," the woman said to the group.

"He told me about you, nice things." Matt nodded at her.

She nodded back. "Good to know he didn't completely forget I existed, but it's clear I am too late to buy my ticket to that show."

"Same. I've loved her since high school, and it's never going to be reciprocated now. That stings too, but I think I knew that already," Nicky announced.

"Yeah, exactly. I knew he didn't like me. I could just feel it," she agreed.

"You two are even nicer than I was told. I'm glad you'll both be just fine, even if you take some time to mourn the loss," Rossi said comfortingly.

"Gosh, you all have to work with those two. That's ridiculous. Are they always like this?" Nicky asked pointing across the large ballroom at the two, clearly in animated conversation, as Penelope made her way over to the woman who was in charge of the charity.

"You have no idea," Spencer piped up.

"So, what do we do?" Luke's date asked Nicky.

"Well, my plan was to wait until we were actually alone and ask her outright about it. She'd feel guilty, ramble out a confession and apology, and try to tell me that it wasn't _really_ like that, and then I'd either pretend I believed her until it crumbled or tell her right then that I didn't believe her. Hadn't decided yet."

"I told him something was holding him back. I don't know if it will come as much of a shock, but it might shock him when I tell him what it is. They are pretty thick in the head about this, right?" she questioned.

"Oh, you have no idea," JJ mimicked Spencer's words.

"Well, I guess we enjoy dinner and the show until then." Nicky gestured to the returning dinner companions who were whispering harshly to each other. Nicky pulled the chair out for Penelope. She sat and reached for her water, rolling her eyes.

Luke sat back in his chair, closed off and distant.

"How about we get some dancing in before the speeches start?" Rossi said holding out his hand for Hayden.

"I'm about to show you up, old man." Derek followed, grabbing Savannah.

"Come on, Penelope. We can dance as well." Nicky held out his hand. Instead of protesting like she normally did, she let him lead her to the dance floor. After a couple of silent minutes, he placed a kiss on her forehead, "Gracie, you know I love you, right?" He waited for her to nod before continuing. "Well, I am going to do something right now simply because I love you."

Her eyes went wide. Her mind fluttered to him proposing, "Wha-"

He brought their clasped hands to her lips to quiet her. "Don't worry, nothing scary. All I want to say is that, I love you, and I love being with you, and I could very happily continue to date you and see if we can make this something, but I think that would be a disservice to you. Please don't get mad. Don't do anything, just listen to me as a good friend of many years. I think that you and Luke could have something together if either of you told the other how you felt. He's a good man, Gracie, and I can see how much you care for him. So, if you care enough about yourself, you should find out if there is something there. If you can honestly tell me that you feel nothing, I'll believe you, I'll take you home tonight, but I don't think you can."

She was flabbergasted as he continued to sway with her slowly, never letting the sad smile slip from his face. She felt a tear in her eyes, but she cleared her throat. She refused to fix her makeup again. "I'm sorry, Nicky. I thought that I was over it. It never really began, as much as I wanted it to. I was a coward, not sure if I should take a risk, and I didn't realize until too late that he never really felt the same about me. I was moving on, letting go of something that I could never have. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Gracie, I know that, which is why I may be hurt, but I'm not angry with you. I don't know for sure about Luke, but I can tell you this as a man, I can see the way he looks at you, and it's not just a coworker, or a friend either. So, before you let any insecurity get in your way, just remember that you're gorgeous, and that at least one man is already in love with you." He kissed her forehead.

"But, Nicky, we're so bad for each other. We're toxic. We hurt each other, bring each other down, and we can't be honest with one another. What's the point?" She knew she didn't have a right to ask him, but she didn't see what he saw.

"Honestly, Gracie, I don't think it has to be like that. I think you're acting out because you don't know what else to do. He means something to you, and you don't want to be vulnerable and let him in. As for the rest of it, tell me, Gracie, over the past few days of being with him, did you feel honesty between you two? Did you feel toxic? Did you feel hurt?"

She looked at him with remorse and confusion. "I'm so sorry."

"I know, but it already happened, so instead, answer the question. When both of you stopped fighting to hide yourselves, did that feel pointless?" He watched her face dawn in comprehension.

"I wish I deserved you," Penelope said as she put her head on his chest.

"Gracie, you deserve everything. Don't forget that."

….

It was the end of the night, and Luke followed the woman that he'd been trying to get to know into the main hallway so she could reclaim her coat. "So, did you want to head to my house?" He asked nonchalantly, since it was already the plan.

"Actually, Luke, can we talk over here for a second?" She strolled towards a corner of the entryway. "I just want to say that I think you're actually quite the catch, and I really like you."

Luke gave her a smile. "Well tha..."

She held up her hand. "I wish you liked me. I wish you were available, but you're not. That's okay. You're forgiven because you're so utterly blind." Then she mumbled to herself, "Maybe you both need glasses." She straightened out and gave him a sincere but sad smile. "I think that you feel something for your friend that you're not willing to admit, and I just don't want to get involved in something that could get me hurt. Please just try to be happy, find what that is, and run with it. Goodbye, Luke. It was nice meeting you." She gave him a parting kiss on the lips and left him there, speechless and rooted to the floor.

"Hey, buddy. You coming?" He turned to see Matt right next to him, The group was all behind him, and it looked like they had all been waiting for him. He must've zoned out, and he had no idea how long he'd been standing there.

Luke nodded, joining the group as they headed to the parking lot. Most of them had carpooled, so the three cars they came in were parked right next to each other. Luke was watching Penelope as she flamboyantly spoke to JJ, who was equally amused by whatever they were discussing. He was apparently going home with Penelope after all, but he wasn't breaking a promise to Nicky. He could just gather his things and his dog and get a taxi back home, leave the way he came.

"So we'll see you two tomorrow for the fair. We can meet there around three." Luke realized Derek was referring to both him and Penelope.

"Thanks for the offer, but I don't think I'll go," Luke said.

Causing Penelope to roll her eyes. "Are you serious, Alvez? What the hell have we been doing for days now? You're going to stay home? This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about." She pointed at Derek, indicating his invitation to the fair.

"Garcia, we already went over this. I told you I was fine. I told you I'm not getting - I'm not doing - We can't keep doing this!" He didn't want to reveal the details of their earlier argument. These people already knew too much, and they were all currently staring at them as they gathered behind their cars.

"Yeah, Alvez. I freaking know that, got it, made yourself clear, but, either way, you need to come get your meds. You have to take them for another three days, so can you just not be a complete asshat for five minutes? You can go to your girlfriend's house afterwards."

"No, you need to go home with Nicky. I'm going home alone. She's not my girlfriend, and, if she was, we definitely just broke up, so I don't have to do anything."

"Then why are you telling me what to do? Besides that, Nicky and I just broke up, so, no, you at least need to come get your medication. Even if he was coming over, you'd still have to take it."

"What? Why did you do that? I told you not to do that," Luke said.

"Why in the hell do you think you can tell me what to do?" Penelope asked. "Besides, I didn't do it. He did."

"Why?"

She raised her voice louder. "Because those two are way too good for us, and we're both assholes. Now get in the fucking car." She didn't even turn around to wave goodbye or acknowledge any of the people she knew were staring at her.

Luke didn't either. He just cracked his neck and made fists before turning to follow her.

"Well then, this is just starting to get good," Rossi said to all of the speechless people, watching their friends drive away from them.

* * *

This is a shorter fic than most of my others. This will only have two more chapters.

Thanks BookDragon2013 for the beta.


	6. Chapter 6

Hey, everyone. I am trekking along in life and in posting. I'm trying to be optimistic right now. So lets hope it sticks! I will be updating Manor next and then When or maybe the other way around since there are more followers for one than the other? I waited to update this since it didn't seem as popular.

I know Fog needs an update. I wrote it but I haven't been able to get through it all to edit it yet. Please bear with on that one. It's long and probably needs like three sets of extra eyes or something.

Thank you for your support in any capacity on any story I've done.

There is only one more chapter of this story after this!

* * *

Penelope watched as Luke swallowed his pill, never taking his eyes off of her as he brought the glass up to his lips.

"Tell me what happened, Luke. Tell me what the hell happened in between us this afternoon and at the dinner. Tell me." She was only slightly demanding but also pleading.

Luke shook his head. "Garcia..."

"No. No, don't do that. Don't distance yourself just for self preservation. You've taken my honesty from me the past couple of days. You've had all of me without hesitation. You want to make sure you aren't what? Hurting me? Then freaking tell me what the hell happened. Tell me what in the hell I could've actually done to make you hide again." He could hear the emotion in her voice as if she were holding back tears, but her eyes were clear.

Luke put his water down and began to pace. He glanced at her a few times. She was upset, but she was still patient as ever, giving him the time he needed, but she was going to require honesty. He nodded, and she followed him to the couch.

"Yesterday, at my session, the doctor told me to keep thinking about what could make me this way, if there was a reason or if it truly just had come out of nowhere. I told her the only thing that really changed was going on a few dates and, even then, they were short and insignificant, and I wasn't even serious about the girl." Luke took a deep breath. "She asked me about the day I started feeling off, and I told her I had thought it was a hangover. She asked me about my drinking, and I told her the truth, rarely and only socially, but that night I drank more than I normally would've."

"Okay, so you know your body. You know you shouldn't drink like that because it affects your mood. That's not a hard thing to contend with. You barely drink anyway, even when we're at the bar for hours." This didn't answer her question though.

Luke put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, his head partially bowed. "That's not it though. I mean yes, I shouldn't drink more than I feel comfortable with, but it's the reason I did it. It wasn't because I brought a girl around. It was because you brought a guy around. I didn't realize how much you - I didn't realize how much you meant to me until I saw how much you meant to somebody else. Which is why this is fucked up, Penelope. I can't rely on you like this because, when you're gone, I'll probably get worse. At first, I didn't know what she meant, but, when we got to the dinner tonight, I saw you light up when you saw Nicky and kissed him hello. I felt the flood come over me. It was like I was sinking again. I figured it out. It made sense. I need to let you be happy, and I need to own my mistake of being a complete idiot. I don't know if I had a real chance with you, but the point is I never tried to find out. I just ignored it for a couple years, and then, when I didn't even want to date, I went because I felt something missing. I didn't notice what you became, and now I'm losing my mind just because I ran scared from actually trying and maybe having something real. I fucking pretended like I… Look, the point is, being alone didn't bother me. Being with somebody didn't bother me, but losing you did. I don't know how to reconcile that because why on earth would you want me? I'm messed up. I looked right past you because it might've been too much work, so I obviously put myself first. Then I went out and dated like it was perfectly fine, but you date, and I lose my shit. And now you've seen how bad it can get. What's the point, Penelope? You need to call Nicky. You need to make this right with him. He loves you and wants to protect you, not drag you down. I shouldn't be here taking this from you, not when you could give it to somebody that actually deserves it."

Penelope was stunned but not as devastatingly shocked as she would have been if Nicky hadn't told her what he did. This was all because of her? That, she didn't know, but it sounded like he didn't either. She observed the silent tears streaming down his face to his clasped hands between his knees.

She wanted to reach out and touch him and reassure him, but she already knew how to do that. She didn't know how to talk to him honestly. "Luke, I'm sorry that we let it get to this place. I am, but I'm not going to call Nicky. I spent about a year suppressing my feelings for you and about another one secretly pining for you, and then you went on a date, and I felt sick. A damn date with a nice girl, and I was going to lose my shit too, so I went on vacation with my best friend. I don't know if I ran away or if I just took the time I needed, but I knew I couldn't wait around for you when you weren't waiting for me, and I couldn't blame you if I never said anything either. So yeah, I moved on, but out of necessity, because there is no way that I could have watched you fall in love with someone else while still being in love with you myself."

While she was confessing, Luke turned his gaze to her, and they were now staring at each other. "What have we done, Penelope? Why did we do this to ourselves?" he asked.

"I don't know. I was just scared of being rejected, of you not liking me just as much as I pretended to not like you. I just - I pushed you away when I should've tried to pull you close, and I recognize that even though I was mad at you for moving on, I was to blame because I never said anything. I never did anything."

"Is this fixable? Can we do this? Can we make this good between us?" His tears had subsided, but his voice was still shaky.

"God I hope so. I know we have to start somewhere, and I think that's right here. We have to be honest. We can't hide anything from each other. We can't scream at each other when we really want to talk, and we can't push each other away with sarcasm because we feel exposed. We can't afford to do that. This, if we do this, we have to be completely vulnerable. We have to be utterly and completely surrendered to each other. It's the only way because I cannot afford to guess when it comes to you. I can't do it." She was pleading with him, though she wasn't sure why.

Luke moved closer to her, silently asking her to pull him to her chest again. It was his own sign of surrender, something he'd already been doing when he wasn't looking. He let her see him even when he wasn't sure who he was. "I need this, Penelope, but more importantly, I want it."

She held him close as she let herself finally feel confident about getting what she wanted for a long time. "Is this a good thing though? It was me that threw you for a loop in the first place."

"Penelope, it wasn't you. It wasn't you hurting me. It wasn't because we can't be good for each other. It's because I was losing what I didn't even fight for in the first place. I got too comfortable, and then I saw my life slipping away from me again. It's not that we can't be good to each other, it's that we chose not to be. Let's make a different choice."

"Yes, that's what I want. I'll fight if you do."

He nodded, and she felt the now familiar feeling of the motion on her chest.

"Let's go to bed. We're already late. Do you want to shower?"

"Yeah, I need to feel clean. I need to wash today off of me." Luke went to the bathroom while Penelope went through her usual routine.

She had showered right before they left, so she decided to rub the same spicy vanilla lotion on herself while she waited.

When he came in just like the night before, she looked at him the same way as if nothing changed. When he got under the covers, she set her lotion aside and pulled her shirt off before snuggling into him the way she had been doing for four nights now.

Luke pulled her closer and held her tightly, not unlike the other night, but this time without hesitancy. "I realize that we can't do anything until I'm better. I want to wait until my therapist says she thinks I'm ready, that I'm through the worst of this episode," Luke said to her.

She nodded, running her hand through his hair. "Honestly, I need to feel better too. We need to do this right from now on. We both need time before we have sex, but we're not going to pretend like this isn't already something between us. I can't do that."

"Me either. We might need time to sort everything out, but we're together. I mean, if you want that, then I want that. I don't want to pretend like I'm not already in this. I have been for a long time." She was running her hand through his hair, and he was rubbing circles on her back. "I'll finish the meds and go to my therapy every other day until I'm back where I need to be, but I'll tell you right now, I already feel less burdened. I don't mean I'm on some high of being with someone. I mean I'm not carrying a secret anymore, and it's freeing."

Penelope ran her hands down his sides again, like she had done the past few nights, as he moved his hand up to do the same. "The intimacy between us came rather naturally. I never felt, well, I never felt like I needed to set a boundary. It was like I could feel what you needed," she confessed.

Luke let out a contented sigh. "Yes, I know, it felt exhilarating to touch you, but it also felt like the only thing keeping me grounded."

Penelope brought her hand to his cheek. "I don't want our first real kiss to be in a bed like this. It doesn't have to be under the Eiffel tower while fireworks shoot off, but I just want to take it seriously."

"Me too. I want intimacy tonight, the same as we have been, maybe a little more. I'm not sure I wouldn't have asked anyway, even without these revelations."

Penelope scanned him with the same discerning look she had been every night, already knowing what he meant and deciding whether it was okay with her, the same way she had everything else. She nodded.

Luke took a deep breath and ran his hand from her hip up her side the same way he had time and time again the night before but this time circling closer to her breast. Penelope kept her hand motionless, sitting on his hip. She felt him start to touch her waist and then the sensitive skin on the underside of her breast. She felt the flush of heat creep up her chest to her neck. It was intimate. While it was bordering on sexual, it still was a continuation of the closeness they had been building, the comfort of another person's touch.

Part of Luke was ecstatic, the part of him that thought of her this way in the times when he would let himself think of her writhing underneath him or screaming his name. But the other part of him just wanted the closeness and familiar something that made them both feel good.

He made eye contact with her and commanded that she keep hers looking into his. He ran his hand to the middle of her chest placing his palm there flat, feeling the curves of her chest and then circling the tops of her breasts with his fingers. He could see the need and want in her face, but he could also see how this connection made her feel safe as well. He let his fingers feather light move down to her nipple, barely letting it touch the skin underneath. As he softly moved back and forth, he felt her pebble even harder underneath his touch. He moved his fingers to her other nipple before letting his palm float across the roundest part of her skin.

Their legs were intertwined, and she felt his arousal, which she admitted did make her think about doing more to this man she already loved, but she'd had quite a few nights alone thinking of that, and she could restrain herself, especially now that there was a promise of so many good things to come on the horizon.

He put his palms flat against her skin again, running it from side to side feeling all of the curves of her chest. "Penelope, I think I was forgetting what it was like to be a man or to feel sexual. Not that I didn't think about it, but I was just - I didn't want to talk to girls at a bar. I just wasn't interested. I feel something more than that when I touch you."

"Me too. I was celibate for about two years because, even in the beginning, I must have known I was waiting for you, but I admitted defeat. When I thought you - I had to move on and - Nicky - and I thought it was a real chance…" He already knew that and even though it wasn't pleasant to think about, he understood. She had no choice but to look somewhere else, and she found a good man that she trusted and that mattered.

"I understand, but, from now on, it'll be us together, okay? When we are ready." He scooted closer to her, keeping his hand running across her chest but letting very little space in between them.

"Story?" she queried.

"Yeah, tell me the one about how we're happy. That's the one I need to hear."

"Why hear about? Let's just live it instead."

….

"We need to get up, we need to get going, and we need to meet everyone at the fair." Penelope yawned, placing the back of her hand over her mouth before twisting back into Luke's embrace.

"I know. I know. Routine, but we went to bed later, so we can stay in bed a little bit later than yesterday." He brought his hand from around her back to place on her chest lightly squeezing her breast.

"Hey! Not fair, You can't bribe me." She sleepily admonished him.

"What makes you think this is for you?" He ran his fingers lightly over the swell of her breast and then towards the other one.

"This feels distinctly sexual," She said with an attitude.

"That's because it is. We may not be ready for sex, but I am very ready to become best friends with my girlfriend's chest." He started placing kisses on her shoulder and then her collarbone and then moved to the roundest part of her breasts, moving back and forth between the two.

She was biting her lip, trying to keep in her moan. "Luke," she whispered. "We can't do this before we've even kissed." She was holding the back of his head to her lightly, betraying her words with action.

He continued to kiss her skin, but mumbled into her chest. "We can if we want to. Besides, haven't we already crossed a line?" He knew they hadn't, but right now his morning erection was telling him it was a good argument.

She reluctantly pulled back. "You know we haven't. That was different, and we both know it. This is definitely different, and we both know it."

He accepted that with a nod and instead brought his arms around her back again, cuddling into her. "Okay, well, we can lay here for another half hour, and then I promise we can walk Roxy and do whatever ridiculous thing you've thought up until we have to head to the fair."

"Deal."

"Although, while the fair sounds alright, I guess I really don't want to see everyone that essentially watched us get dumped and then yell at each other in a parking lot." He closed his eyes. That behavior was most unlike him, but he noted that Penelope could make him do all sorts of things he never thought he would.

"Yeah. To be honest, I don't want to see their inquisitive gazes either, but, if we don't go, they might just come over here to make sure we're both still alive, and I definitely don't want that."

"Fine, but maybe don't wear a bra today." He tried to negotiate.

"We're going to a fair with children, not a club with twerking."

Luke shrugged. "Fine, but good luck tonight trying to keep me away from them."

….

"There they are, and neither one of them has a black eye." Rossi gestured to the two people coming towards the group with his eyebrow.

"Wow, they're practically married," JJ said dryly, as she spun around to check on her children jumping in the bouncy castle.

"They still look like they're arguing," Derek observed.

"That's because they definitely are." Emily brought the straw in her lemonade between her lips.

"Their body language is more relaxed," Spencer said as he leaned away from the cotton candy Tara kept waving under his nose.

"Might just be because of the dog," Tara joked.

"Hey, you two, you made it all the way over here without a parking lot brawl?" Will muttered in his distinct accent.

"Told you." Luke said as Penelope peered at him over her sunglasses.

"So, uh, how are you two today?" Matt asked, clearly the only one that didn't want to make fun or pry.

"Just fine, Matt. Thank you." Penelope smiled at him and then Kristy.

"Matt's nicer than us," Emily said dryly.

"You don't say." Penelope mimicked her tone.

"Neither of you decided to eat ice cream and wallow about your breakups, or did you two forget about that?" JJ asked with a smirk.

Penelope rolled her eyes, but Luke averted his gaze, sort of sheepishly. He kind of, sort of, had forgotten about that.

"I'm taking Roxy over to the dog run for a few," Luke announced. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on the bench.

"Yeah, me too," Penelope said, before giving everybody a glare from behind her sunglasses.

When their figures were all but gone from sight, Savannah turned to the group looking at no one in particular, "Wow! He's really hot, huh?"

Every woman in the group immediately gave her an assured and confident yes.

Rossi rolled his eyes. "Well if you ladies are done ogling, what exactly are we going to do here? They aren't exactly forthcoming. Aren't we supposed to be there for these numbskulls?"

Emily raised one eyebrow behind her dark sunglasses. "Don't look at me. I'm not in charge out here." She ripped a piece of cotton candy from Tara's treat.

"Well, I think we should just ask them what they're doing about all of this. Seems to me that they've accepted that something is going on. It's clear that this was never one-sided," Derek said.

"I never thought it was," JJ agreed.

"I'm not the profiler, but I think I can recognize a group of agents when I see one." They all turned to see a man wheeling his wheelchair to the spot in front of them. "I'm Luke's old partner. He told me to come meet him here. I'm a little early."

"Oh, right, yes. Phil, nice to meet you." Spencer smiled at him. "Luke's spoken of you before."

Phil gave a sarcastic head tilt. "You mean he lost his shit when he found the Crimson King. Don't worry. He's more broken up about it than I am."

Spencer nodded. "Well it's good you're doing better. I assume your recovery is going nicely."

"It is actually, with Lou here." Phil reached down to pet the dog loyally by his side. "And also my amazing doctor that Luke apparently doesn't like as much as I do." Phil laughed.

"You heard about that?" Emily asked casually.

"She called me this morning to tell me what happened. I told her I was sorry it didn't work out, but to be honest I'm surprised they even got this far," Phil answered, still petting Lou.

"Wait, you didn't think they should go out?" Kristy questioned.

Phil laughed. "No, I thought for sure he would eventually break down and admit the real reason he hasn't dated in a long time, but he's as stubborn as they come."

"So you… Wait. What do you mean?" Derek furrowed his brow.

Phil laughed again. "Okay, well, first of all, it's my first time meeting any of you. He's been working with you a couple years. That's fair enough. With my recovery, I haven't been very social, but I've met Penelope. _Penelope's been at my physical therapy_. Lou was given to me by Penelope. I thought he would just admit it, but the bastard decided to date someone he won't remember in two months because it was easier."

There were chuckles all around. "Well then, at least we know we're not the only ones invested here," Tara said.

"Nope. I'm sure you're all close, but have any of you thought about buying a puppy for your best friend with each other? Is that a hobby for any of you?"

"They're both just so hard headed," JJ added.

"And cowardly. Say it like it is." Phil shook his head, resigned. "Listen, he's been my best friend for more than two decades. We entered the ranger academy at the same time. I've seen him do more in a war zone than anyone should ever have to endure. I've seen him single handedly run into the line of fire to save a fellow ranger. I've seen him shield children with his own body. I've seen him carry the bodies of dead comrades back to camp just so that their families could have some peace. I've seen the guy stay calmer and smarter than anyone should have a right to be in the deepest darkest hell holes of war. I never once saw him hesitate. But apparently Penelope Grace Garcia scares the ever loving shit out of him. Go figure." Phil ended on a sarcastic note letting everyone know that they were allowed to find it amusing.

"Well, look out because here they come." Will pointed with his chin in the direction behind Phil.

Phil rotated his chair so he could see both directions, and then they heard the squeal. "Lou!"

Lou glanced to Phil for permission. "Go." Lou ran full force to Penelope who dropped down to pet him. Roxy was at Luke's side sitting, waiting for her turn to greet the younger pup.

Luke crouched down to pet Lou as well. Both of them were smiling at each other and talking about how big Lou was, but they were far enough away that the others couldn't hear them. "By the way, they named him together. I'm not sure who is partnered with Luke the most, but I'm guessing you haven't ever tried to compromise on a name before."

Matt laughed. "Sometimes we share a phone, but it's tragically less intimate than that."

The two humans and two K9's approached the people that were just discussing them. Penelope reached for Phil first and hugged him. "I can't pick Lou up anymore. It makes me sad." She pouted at him.

"I told him not to grow up, but he didn't listen," He answered as Luke leaned in to give him a handshake that turned into a hug.

"Have you gotten him to retrieve specific items yet?" Luke queried as he pet Lou.

"No, we haven't gotten that far, have we boy?" Phil said, "But the diet you laid out, I can tell he loves that."

"Oh no, you're not as strict as this guy, are you? Lou deserves some fun." Penelope baby talked the dog.

"I'm not strict. She's just on a healthy diet. You can't give her all that crap you sneak to her." Luke said annoyed.

"It's not crap, and she really wanted it." Penelope somehow pouted and growled at the same time.

Luke gave an almost eye roll. "You gave her bacon."

"So?"

"You're a vegetarian. Why did you have bacon?" Luke stuck his neck out, waiting for her to give him a half-hearted excuse.

"She asked for it." Penelope said assuredly as Luke closed his eyes briefly.

"And so it begins," Phil said dryly. "Are you two together yet? Because I want to know how much time I have to learn to walk again before the wedding."

Both Luke and Penelope scowled at him. "You too? Seriously?" Luke glared at him.

"Wait, weren't you - oh, nevermind." Penelope didn't even care to ask the question. Her own damn boyfriend told her to go after it. The entire team and their spouses were annoyed with them. Of course Phil saw it.

"Why did you set me up?" Apparently Luke wasn't over asking the questions.

"I never thought you would go, dumbass," Phil answered.

"Why? She's nice and stuff." Luke weakly defended.

Phil raised one eyebrow at him. "What's her last name?"

Luke opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it, scowling at what he thought was his best friend.

"Well, these are very interesting developments indeed." Rossi smiled. "But neither of you has answered the man's question."

Penelope glared at him, but she wasn't sure it was imposing through her floral sunglasses. "Yes." She said at the same time Luke said 'no.' They turned to each other and without looking away, they both changed their answer to the opposite. Both of them scowled, having a silent conversation, before Penelope dropped eye contact and addressed the others. "We are, but we weren't going to give you the satisfaction of telling you about it." She shrugged.

"At least, we've made some progress then." Emily announced.

"Before you know it, they'll actually say nice things to each other like 'Hello,' 'Good Morning,' 'I don't hate you as much as yesterday,'" JJ added.

"Oh, ha ha. You're all hilarious. It's such a mystery why we don't want to talk to you about this," Penelope said derisively.

"Aww, but we want you to smooch and gross us out." Tara joked.

Both Luke and Penelope immediately shouted a quick "no," earning a lot of amused glares.

"Can we just...not? Okay. We are adjusting, so please let it go," Penelope pleaded.

Everyone nodded or waved their hands in acquiescence, changing the subject and leaving the two stubborn people alone.

….

Luke and Penelope were walking towards their vehicle. They had bid adieu to all of their fair-going companions and decided that they were extremely grateful that some of them had kids that made them have to cut their night short.

"I don't even want to go to work tomorrow and see their dumb faces." Penelope pouted and made Luke laugh. She saw him do that more today around Phil and her. She could see the real Luke peeking out from under the haze of depression.

"I'm so glad too. For once, the kids saved us rather than put a damper on things." He grabbed her hand, lightly swinging it as they strolled slowly to the car. "They are right though. We are going to be nicer to each other."

"We already were nice. Well, most of the time. But hey, we can still piss each other off. It happens."

"True but I'm looking forward to being extra nice with you tonight." Luke smirked at her.

"Getting along does have its benefits." She bit her lip and smiled at him coyly.

He groaned. "C'mon, we've got to get back to your place." He pulled her along to the car. She watched him nervously fidget the whole way home. A couple of times, he told her she could go a few miles above the speed limit.

When they arrived at her building, she slowly got out of her car. Luke was done. He was so done waiting to know what her lips really tasted like. He pulled her into the building, and, instead of taking the stairs like they normally did, he pulled her into the elevator.

"Uh, if you're trying to get upstairs as quick as possible so you can play with my boobs, this slow ass elevator is not the way to do that."

He hit the button for her floor, and the doors slowly moved towards each other.

"No, Penelope. I do want to play with them. A lot. But I also want to kiss my girlfriend for the first time. But you wanted the kiss to be something more than just a kiss in a bed or something equally meaningless."

"So you thought you'd kiss me on a weird, dark elevator?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," he said confidently. "I may not be at my best. When I'm not as messed up, I promise to give you everything you deserve. I wish I had the mental energy for that right now, but I don't. What I do have is the truth, I'm going to kiss you in this elevator because an elevator is where I fell in love with you. It might not be this elevator but-"

He was cut off by her lips crashing to his. He savored the taste of her and the feeling of holding her close. He walked her feet backwards, much like the way he learned to lead her across a ballroom, and pinned her to the back wall, deepening the best first kiss he'd ever had.

Neither of them registered the ding signifying their arrival or the loud creak of the doors opening to her hallway. But they did finally hear a loud and clearly amused clearing of a throat. Luke slowly pulled away from her to find who intruded on this moment.

"Ms. Berkowitz, how are you? Really good to see you." Penelope held onto Luke's hand leading him like a child out into the hallway. "Thanks for the blood pressure machine. It came in handy. You were right."

Luke nodded at the woman walking past them, trying to discern what her overt cheshire smile meant.

"Well if you need one dear," Penelope glanced over her shoulder to acknowledge the woman speaking to her, "I've also got a defibrillator to revive you afterwards."

….


	7. Chapter 7

This is the 2nd story I get to mark complete on. Yay! Even if a story is complete and has been for a while, such as Out, I still appreciate and read any new reviews. It's actually a lovely surprise when I get one and I can look back on a story fondly.

Thanks to all of you who went there with me on this story.

* * *

Luke was waiting for Penelope at her apartment. He had taken the afternoon off to go to his therapy appointment. In the past month, he'd worked really hard at getting back to where he had been for so long. The past few years had been the best of his life. He might've not been fully living, but he wasn't in a dark place either. When he slipped because he realized he had stopped moving forward, it was the wake up call that he couldn't waste the life he was given.

Beginning this relationship with Penelope had been work. It was work to get there, and it was work once they started. Even though they had both been honest with each other, it was still tough to take the time to build their relationship differently and to continue to pace themselves and not to fall into each other. Even though people that didn't struggle with mental illness did the same thing, he knew that he couldn't dive into something he wasn't prepared to understand and appreciate.

They had only fought a couple of times, and it was about him going back to work fully. She wanted him to stay at the office with her, and he wanted to prove he could still be strong enough to do his job. In the end, they had compromised. He brought her with him to one of his sessions, and they talked it through with his therapist. He had felt like she was trying to coddle him, but he realized in the session that she was just scared that he wouldn't think to protect himself, and she couldn't lose him, not when she had just got him.

He was anxious to talk to his therapist that day. He wanted to talk to her about moving his relationship with Penelope forward. He wanted to get a second opinion and to know for sure that he wasn't just an anxious man hoping to see his beautiful girlfriend fully naked for the first time, but that he was actually ready for this step with her. Luckily his therapist agreed with him that he should be able to become more committed to building something with Penelope. His appointments were going to be changed to bi weekly because she didn't think he needed as much monitoring. Once he had worked through why he slipped, and he made the commitment to himself to watch for the signals that indicated he wasn't fully present in his life, it wasn't a bad fight to get himself stable again. He hadn't really slipped that far, he had just let his happiness take a backseat, and he couldn't watch his life pass him by anymore.

They had both wanted to take that step, but she was so cautious about not messing up his recovery with sex. There was usually emotion, and she didn't want him focusing on her when he was supposed to be focusing on himself.

He heard the front door open and her bag drop to the ground. He walked out of her bedroom and made a beeline for her, pushing her up against the door and kissing her. She returned the kiss. Her keys were still in her hand as she placed it on his back. Finally, she pushed him back. "Not that I'm complaining, but is there something special that I did to warrant this greeting?"

Penelope walked past him and threw her keys on the table. Then she slid her shoes off and walked towards the kitchen to get water. Luke watched her as she ran her hands down her legs when she was taking off her shoes. He followed her to the kitchen and was there when she closed the fridge door. "Yes, Penelope. Today is special."

"Oh yeah. Why's that?"

Luke took the water bottle from her hand and set it on the counter. He grabbed both of her hands and led her to the bedroom. "We've been together over a month now, and, honestly, I don't want to wait anymore." He started kissing her neck.

"Luke," she murmured, already breathless from the sensation of his lips on her sensitive skin. "I never wanted to wait. This was never about what we wanted. It was about what we needed." She spoke the words, but she tipped her head to give him better access.

"True, and we got what we needed, and now we can have what we want." Luke started undoing the buttons that were in a straight line over her spine.

"But don't we need more time?" Her forehead fell forward to lean on his shoulder, she felt his hands on the skin of her back as he pulled at the dress.

"I'm ready. I talked it out, and the doctor thinks I'm ready too. So as long as you're ready…" He paused, in case she truly did have an objection.

She brought her arms from his back and pulled the dress down. "God yes," she said as she reached for his shirt.

"Thank God."

They both pulled his shirt off over his head, and she reached for his belt. "Should we be trying for romance here?" she questioned but never ceased her movements.

"We've never done things the way they're supposed to be done," he countered.

"Hmm mmmhmmm." She was pushing his pants down but abandoned the task to reach behind herself and unclasp her bra.

Luke pushed the rest of his clothes off and then reached for her underwear, pulling them down as she threw her bra to the side. "Yes, we've had foreplay at least for the last month, if not the past year or two. I just need to be inside of you." Luke kissed her again.

"Yes. Fine by me. Let's do that." She pulled him to the bed. "How?" She ran her hands down his stomach to his erection which she started sliding her hand over as she kissed his chest.

"Uhh, well, you're making it hard to think straight right now." He watched her small hand move over him. "God, I always knew your hands were talented."

She giggled. "Hmm, but that doesn't answer my question."

"Not sure, I am almost positive I will not last very long at all. In fact, I'm sure of it so I need to figure out how I'm going to make you come as quickly as possible."

"I've been waiting too," she argued as she placed kisses along his jaw while still using her hands on him.

"Not as long as I have. Can you tell me with a straight face that you're on the verge of coming right now? Because I already am," he said through clenched teeth as he peeked down at her hands.

"You do have it pretty bad," she teased.

"You don't say." He grasped both of her wrists so he could figure this out before he just shot a load into her warm hands. "Okay, where is that vibrator of yours." He moved away from her and opened the night stand on what was obviously his side of the bed now.

"Really?" She laughed and laid back on the bed. "I was not expecting that."

"Yeah, well, you won't be needing it for a good long while after we start banging on every surface and at every moment we can manage, but I've got to get used to this again, so why don't we give it a farewell run." He finally found it in the bottom drawer. He spun around and saw her with her feet planted on the bed and her legs wide. "Penelope," he angrily growled.

She gasped in faux innocence, "What did I do?"

He hastily pushed her legs wider making her knees fall to the bed and used two fingers to find her entrance. He pushed in and out a few times before swiftly turning the vibrator on. He brought his middle finger to her lip and trailed the wet digit over it and then brought his finger to his own mouth and licked it clean. He watched her tongue flick out to clean her bottom lip, and he took a deep breath as he let the vibrator gently press against her clit.

She gasped, "Exactly how quick did you want me to come?"

"Quick," he said hastily. "We have years filled with days to try all kinds of things, but today is not that day."

He inserted the vibrator and then used his fingers to circle her clit. "Holy-" Her hands shot up to his biceps to hold on while she came. "Oh my god, it's been long enough for me to be damn sensitive."

"Good." He tossed the vibrator to the side and crawled over her. He gripped her thighs and pulled them wide. "I'm pretty sure this is going to be extremely unsatisfying for you." He found her entrance with his fingers and then guided himself in.

Her body bowed, and her nails dug into his arms. "That's obviously not true," she argued breathlessly. "God, I know I've been feeling it pushing into my ass every morning when I wake up, but it feels even bigger inside."

Luke growled, "Penelope, if you even want me to pump a few times, you're going to need to shut up."

Her eyes danced in amusement, "Sorry." She quietly watched him try to control himself. "We're going to do this more than once, Luke. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be more than satisfied by the end of the night. This still feels good." She clenched her inner muscles.

"Penelope, I swear to God!" He gritted out through his teeth as he issued the warning. "Don't piss me off right now."

"What?" she said innocently as she clenched and pulsed upwards to meet his slow, almost still hips. "I'm betting your refractory period is all but nill. Are you planning to argue that point?"

Luke pushed her hips down with both hands and sat back so he could pulse into her on his own. "Fine, Penelope. I'll just come, and then we can figure out how to make you come a lot more. A lot more. I cannot have you thinking this is all we are capable of together."

He moved quickly, making her hold onto the blanket beneath her. After a few moments, he came with a loud groan as he felt her clench her muscles again. He fell forward and caught himself on his hands. "Sometimes I really don't like you," he informed her.

"But you still love me, right?" she teased.

"Maybe, I guess we'll see how much you love me." He grabbed both of her hands and brought one down to slide into herself, coating it in his spendings. Then he guided her hand back to her mouth. He raised one eye at her in challenge.

She raised an incredulous eye back before eagerly leaning forwards and licking her finger cleaner than she ever needed to. "Next?" she questioned.

He laughed. "Dating you is going to be so much fun. And look at that, I'm hard again. Turn over."

"But I want to see you," she pouted.

"So I'm supposed to listen to you when you don't listen to me? Get real." He leaned back and grabbed the small bottle of oil she had on the nightstand and then pulled her up, dragging her across the room. Then he pushed her face down onto the long ottoman at the corner of her room.

"I thought you said you were going to make me come a lot. Don't you think that will be easier to do if I can watch you?" She was only partially arguing the point, and the other part of her was happily compliant as she inched her heels out to open wider for him.

"You do get to watch, Penelope." He got on his knees behind her and pushed in swiftly. Then he guided her head to look at them in the mirror above her vanity. "Get up on your hands," he ordered.

She did so and watched him pushing into her from behind. "This works," she said as she could see him holding onto her hip and his desire ridden face as he watched her ass move. "I wasn't sure it would. I don't like this position that much."

"You will," he said to her. "Give me your left hand."

"What? How?" She didn't understand how he thought she was going to hold herself up as he pushed into her with force and only using one hand to support herself.

"Just-" He grabbed her arm and pulled it backwards holding onto it and supporting her in the process. "If you thought I wasn't going to get a full view of your boobs bouncing, you're out of your mind," he growled at her.

She looked back to the mirror and saw that he was staring at the reflection of her chest as it moved. "God, you're so hot," she said breathlessly. His body was moving behind her. She saw his ab muscles contracting and his face filled with lust.

"You like to watch too, don't you?"

"I'd watch you do just about anything."

He scoffed, "I'm going to hold you to that." He grabbed her other arm and pulled her back so she was upright on her knees with him kneeling behind her. He held both hands in one of his. "Watch this." He picked up the bottle of oil from the bed next to him and poured some of the contents of the bottle on her chest letting it trickle down.

"What are-what-"

"I'm obsessed with these; you should know that by now," he informed her. He set the bottle down and used that hand to rub the oil across her chest, moving to one breast, rubbing it over the nipple, and then trailing it in between. Then he palmed her other breast, weighing it in his hand and then running his fingers over her other nipple.

"Holy-" Her eyes widened as she watched her chest become glazed with the liquid. "That _is_ hot," she said in wonder.

"Fuck yeah it is." He used both hands to hold onto hers so he had more leverage and started pounding into her rapidly. His eyes narrowed as he watched her breasts shake.

"Oh my god, Luke! Oh my God!" She didn't even realize how close she was to coming again. She had been mesmerized by her own chest. "Uh, huh, yes," she moaned. She felt herself shaking.

As she was winding down, he stood up pulling out of her, ignoring her whine, and then flipped her over, pulling her legs to the edge of the ottoman and hooking one of them up over his shoulder and then pushing the other over the edge of the bed, spreading her wide and open to his gaze. He bent his knees enough to get himself closer to her again and slid into her. "Penelope, play with them."

She complied, her mind in a daze and her eyes unfocused. She brought her hands up to her nipples and started plucking at them and grasping the large mounds in each hand. He growled as he watched her. The tiny nub at the top was begging for attention, and he swiftly brought his hand down around the leg he was balancing and placed his fingers there, moving them to create the friction he knew she wanted.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Too much!" she gasped as her hands stopped moving, and she held onto her breasts as if they were keeping her grounded.

"I doubt that," he said, and he angled her leg up some more to better hit the spot he had quickly figured out how to get to. Luke slammed into her harder until he felt her leg shake again. As soon as she started moaning his name, he returned the favor. He let out a loud strangled moan as his pulsing stopped. His eyes were closed for a few moments before opening them to see her head turned to the side and her messy hair partially covering her face. Luke reached forward and moved her hair away with his fingers. "You okay?"

"I never will be again," she whispered, earning her a chuckle from him. "Seriously, we need to do this so much more. Like, all the time. We're never going to stop doing this."

He leaned over her. "No complaints from me." He caught her lips in another kiss. "Well then, let's go," he said to her, standing up and pulling her by her hands to get up.

"Are you serious? We just finished."

"What part of 'haven't been laid in years' did you think was inaccurate?"

"Okay, fair, but I'm going to be swollen and sore, and I think you may have to call into work for me tomorrow," she said as she let him pull her to the bathroom.

"Done. I already texted Emily that we needed an early weekend."

"What? Are you serious?" She pulled on the hand he was holding. "You called out for sex?"

He pulled at her again, bringing her the rest of the way into the bathroom. "I obviously didn't say that, Penelope. I just told her my therapist gave me the go ahead on a new regiment, and I wanted some time to adjust."

"I swear if they figure this out-"

"What? You embarrassed? I'd hire a sing-o-gram to go inform them melodically if you'd let me."

"You're ridiculous."

"Whatever, Penelope. Just get in the shower, and fuck me."

"Since when do you get to be this bossy?" she asked as she followed his instructions.

"You were. Now it's my turn."

"Yes, but that was because of extenuating circumstances."

"Exactly." He turned the shower on and the cold water hit her.

"Agh! Too cold!"

"I want your nipples out."

"Are you serious, Alvez? When does this obsession end?"

"When I die."

She laughed, "I love you."

"I love you too. Now hands on the shower rod."

"Are you-did you plan this ahead of time?"

"Yes, all I've done for a month is think about how I could come inside of you on every single surface in this house. It helped pass the time, and it gave me a constructive project to work on," he said diligently.

She scoffed, "You're insane."

"Yup, and you're welcome because, if I wasn't, we would still have our signals crossed, and you wouldn't know what I look like naked."

She turned horrified eyes to him. "Don't give me such nightmares."

"Nightmares are over. It's strictly dreams from now on."

"Cheesy. I like it." She gripped the shower rod. "Maybe I'm insane."

"Yeah, Penelope, we don't even need a therapist for that one."

"You should be nicer to me. If it weren't for me, you'd still be trying to figure out how to receive a signal in the first place. How many times did I need to flirt with you?"

"Well apparently your reception wasn't on either, and who is the tech wiz? So really whose fault is that?"

She gasped as he pushed into her. "Are we ever going to stop arguing?"

"God, I hope not. It's hot when you scowl at me."

"Oh I get it. I needed to be meaner to you so that I could get you to fuck me."

"Shut up, Penelope. We're on the same frequency now."

"Yeah but only while you're inside of me. Afterwards it's anyone's guess."

"Sure, fine, whatever."

"Just one more question."

He growled angrily.

"Do you think I should get the defibrillator? From Ms. Berkowitz?" She gasped as he dug his nails into her.

"Unnecessary." He bit her shoulder. "I already got it."

* * *

I was supposed to update Summer today and this tomorrow but I swapped them. Thanks everyone!

Thanks to BookDragon2013 for being the first to read this through when it was a garbled mess.


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